Children & Parenting &#8211; Divorce Dialogues

The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller

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Resources

LoneStar LEND SLP: Self Care To Support Neurodiverse Children in Divorce on YouTube

The post Navigating a Divorce for Special Needs Families With Mary Ann Hughes appeared first on Divorce Dialogues.

Grief, Gratitude, and Helping Children Navigate Divorce With Ann Papayoti

Katherine Miller — Fri, 25 Feb 2022 16:09:22 +0000

EP: 171

Ann Papayoti

Grief, Gratitude, and Helping Children Navigate Divorce

Divorce Dialogues · Grief, Gratitude, and Helping Children Navigate Divorce With Ann Papayoti

Divorce is hard. The emotions of the breakup colliding with the legal business is a lot for people to manage mentally. What’s really complicated is when people get too wrapped up in their divorce and fail to see their children’s pain.

But what is the best way to talk to children about divorce? What do they struggle with the most throughout the separation process?

Ann Papayoti is an international life, leadership and relationship coach, as well as a speaker, educator, and co-author of The Gift of Shift, an intimate self-help book about creating a new outlook on life. She is the founder of SkyView Coaching, where she helps people rise above their most challenging moments so they can thrive once again.

On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Ann joins Katherine to explain the four main things children really want from their parents after a divorce. They discuss the complicated emotions children feel and how parents can make it as easy as possible for their kids to navigate a divorce.

Listen in as Ann shares her experience with divorce that led to becoming a life coach, the relationship between grief and gratitude, and the importance of becoming your own best friend.

Topics Covered

The difference between a divorce coach and a breakup coach

Keeping the emotion of the breakup out of the business of the divorce

The 4 things children want from their parents after a divorce

How parents often fail to show up for their kids emotionally after a divorce

The importance of communication between the child and the parent during and after the separation between the two parents

How children end up in the middle of the communication between parents getting divorced

The relationship between grief and gratitude

Ann’s book and her personal experiences with divorce, grief, and becoming her own best friend

Dealing with betrayal and the importance of trusting yourself

Connect with Anne Papayoti

SkyView Coaching

SkyView Coaching on Facebook

Ann on Twitter

Ann on Instagram

Ann on LinkedIn

Connect with Katherine Miller

The Center for Understanding in Conflict

The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller

Free Gift from SkyView Coaching

Call (914) 862-7487

Resources

The Gift of Shift: Discover the Key Within to Unlock Your Best Life by Tracey MacDonald and Ann Papayoti

The post Grief, Gratitude, and Helping Children Navigate Divorce With Ann Papayoti appeared first on Divorce Dialogues.

Making the Holidays Magical for Your Children After a Divorce With Dr. Kathryn Smerling

Katherine Miller — Fri, 03 Dec 2021 23:54:47 +0000

EP: 165

Dr. Kathryn Smerling

Making the Holidays Magical for Your Children After a Divorce

Divorce Dialogues · Making the Holidays Magical for Your Children After a Divorce With Dr. Kathryn Smerling

The holidays are a particularly challenging time for divorced parents.

How do we navigate our own feelings of loss without passing that heartache onto our children? Can we create new traditions and still make the holidays a magical time for our kids?

Dr. Kathryn Smerling is an educator and psychologist with a Ph.D. from Fordham University and Master’s from Cornell. She started her career as an early childhood educator, creating the Instep curriculum for preschoolers in the State of New Mexico before completing the psychoanalytic program at the National Institute for Psychotherapies. Dr. Smerling has maintained a private practice as a family therapist in Manhattan since 1998, and she holds certificates in Divorce Mediation, Divorce Collaboration and Relational Therapy.

On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Dr. Smerling joins Katherine to explain what divorced parents can do to navigate feelings of loss during the holidays and find new ways to celebrate with their children. She discusses why it’s crucial for coparents to be collaborative and offers advice on how to approach holiday planning with a difficult ex-spouse. Listen in for Dr. Smerling’s insight around religion as a source of conflict for coparents during the holidays and learn how to talk to your children about creating new traditions after a divorce.

Topics Covered

What divorced parents can do to navigate feelings of loss during the holidays

Dr. Smerling’s advice on finding new ways to celebrate the holidays after a divorce

Why it’s crucial for coparents to be flexible and collaborative re: holiday plans

Why Dr. Smerling suggests including children in creating new traditions

The pros and cons of alternating holidays and examples of creative alternatives

How to approach holiday planning with a high-conflict ex-spouse

Using the BIFF system (Brief, Informative, Firm and Friendly) to communicate with a difficult coparent

How religion can be a source a conflict for divorced parents around the holidays

The role a parenting coordinator can play in making holiday plans

Dr. Smerling’s advice for divorced parents facing the holidays for the first time

Nesting & Other Child-Centered Parenting Plans With Dr. Ann Buscho

Katherine Miller — Fri, 13 Aug 2021 18:12:53 +0000

EP: 157

Dr. Ann Buscho

Nesting & Other Child-Centered Parenting Plans With Dr. Ann Buscho

Divorce Dialogues · Nesting & Other Child-Centered Parenting Plans With Dr. Ann Buscho

Kids don’t get a say in whether or not their parents divorce. And yet, it’s often the children who bear the brunt of the disruption. One strategy for minimizing the upheaval in your kids’ lives is a parenting arrangement known as birdnesting. But what does a successful nesting plan look like? And how do divorcing couples navigate this kind of arrangement successfully?

Dr. Ann Buscho is a licensed clinical psychologist specializing in family issues related to divorce, parenting, parenting plans and co-parenting counseling. Dr. Buscho has both personal and professional experience with nesting, co-parenting, step-parenting and single-parenting, and she is the author of The Parent’s Guide to Birdnesting: A Child-Centered Solution to Co-Parenting During Separation and Divorce.

On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Dr. Buscho joins Katherine to explain what a birdnesting parenting arrangement looks like and why it’s particularly helpful in the early stages of separation and divorce. She shares the top three things to consider in designing a parenting plan, offering advice on maximizing the child’s time with each parent and making the transitions as smooth as possible. Listen in for Dr. Buscho’s insight on minimizing your child’s exposure to conflict and learn what divorcing couples need to do to nest successfully.

Topics Covered

What a birdnesting arrangement looks like and how it works

Why nesting is particularly helpful in the early stages of separation and divorce

How nesting is usually transitional but can also be a long-term solution

Why explicit agreements are key to making a nesting arrangement go smoothly

How COVID forced many divorcing couples into nesting

Dr. Buscho’s top 3 things to consider in designing a parenting plan

The continuum from parallel parenting to collaborative co-parenting

Why parallel parenting is better than exposing kids to conflict

Dr. Buscho’s insight on maximizing the child’s time with each parent

How to make the transition between parents smoother for children of divorce

What divorcing couples need to do to nest successfully

Connect with Dr. Ann Buscho

Dr. Buscho’s Website

Dr. Buscho on Facebook

Dr. Buscho on Twitter

Connect with Katherine Miller

The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller

The Parent’s Guide to Birdnesting: A Child-Centered Solution to Co-Parenting During Separation and Divorce by Ann Gold Buscho, PhD

Call (914) 738-7765

Resources

Dr. John Gottman

The post Nesting & Other Child-Centered Parenting Plans With Dr. Ann Buscho appeared first on Divorce Dialogues.

Helping Children Build Resilience Through Divorce with Risa Garon

Katherine Miller — Thu, 19 Nov 2020 16:47:53 +0000

EP: 138

Risa Garon

Helping Children Build Resilience Through Divorce

Divorce Dialogues · Helping Children Build Resilience Through Divorce with Risa Garon

Though most divorcing couples intend to put the best interests of their children first, their own emotions get in the way. So, how can divorced parents learn to prioritize their children’s needs and create a trusting and constructive co-parenting relationship? How can they help their kids build resilience in the aftermath of divorce?

Risa Garon is the Co-founder and Executive Director of the National Family Resiliency Center (NFRC), an organization that provides counseling and educational programs to help children and adults cope, heal and navigate through divorce and other family transitions. Risa is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Family Life Educator with nearly 30 years of experience helping separating, and divorced couples develop parenting plans that focus on the developmental needs of the children involved.

On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Risa joins Katherine to explain why it’s challenging for divorcing parents to put the best interests of their children first. She walks us through the four components of NFRC’s child-focused decision-making model, discussing how she considers what both parents want—but prioritizes the child’s needs. Listen in for insight on dealing with high-conflict parents and get Risa’s advice on minimizing stress over the holidays after a divorce.

Topics Covered

Why it’s challenging for divorcing parents to put the best interests of their children first

The four components of NFRC’s child-focused decision-making model

Risa’s insight on how to deal with parents in a high-conflict divorce

How Risa considers what both parents want but prioritizes their children’s needs

Training mental health professionals, judicial officers, attorneys and mediators to mitigate conflict

Risa’s advice for minimizing stress over the holidays post-divorce

Successful examples of incorporating old holiday traditions with new ones after a divorce

Why Risa encourages divorced parents to chip in on one gift rather than buying presents separately

What grieving parents can do on holidays they spend without their kids

Connect with Risa Garon

National Family Resiliency Center

Call (410) 740-9553

Connect with Katherine Miller

The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller

KatherineMiller · Realistic Expectations for Successful Stepfamilies with Mary T. Kelly

Call (914) 738-7765

Resources

Books by Risa Garon

The post Helping Children Build Resilience Through Divorce with Risa Garon appeared first on Divorce Dialogues.

Realistic Expectations for Successful Stepfamilies with Mary T. Kelly

Katherine Miller — Wed, 10 Jun 2020 01:00:44 +0000

EP: 127

Mary T. Kelly

Realistic Expectations for Successful Stepfamilies

The divorce rate among couples in second marriages with kids is somewhere between 64% and 72%. And part of the reason is that stepfamilies face unique challenges and may not have a realistic picture of just how long it takes for stepparents and stepchildren to get comfortable with each other.

Mary T. Kelly, M.A. is the marriage and family psychotherapist behind Real Stepfamilies, a platform designed to educate, normalize and offer practical solutions for the complexities of being part of a blended family. Her private practice in Boulder, Colorado, focuses on helping step-couples and stepfamilies, and she has 18-plus years of clinical experience in the space. Mary also runs support groups for stepmothers and serves as a contributing writer for Huffington Post and Stepmom Magazine.

On this episode, Mary joins Katherine to discuss the unique challenges faced by combined families with nonbiological members. She explains what’s behind the cultural stereotype of the ‘evil stepmother’ and describes the unrealistic expectations we have for what our blended family will look like. Listen in for Mary’s insight on establishing a good stepparent-stepchild relationship and learn what new stepfamilies can do to ease the transition for all involved.

Topics Covered

Why the solutions counselors use for nuclear families don’t work for stepfamilies

What’s behind the cultural stereotype of the ‘evil stepmother’

The competing priorities of being a parent, a spouse and a stepparent simultaneously

The challenge in taking on the role of stepmother when you don’t have kids of your own

The therapeutic value of having camaraderie with other stepmoms

What we can do to ease the transition for married couples with kids

Establishing realistic expectations for what your blended family will look like

The pressure some women put on themselves to be the ‘best stepmom ever’

Why it’s crucial for couples in second marriages to set a regular date night

Why men tend to be more permissive with their kids post-divorce

Mary’s insight on what a good stepparent-stepchild relationship looks like

Connect with Mary T. Kelly

Real Stepfamilies

Call (303) 594-5240

Connect with Katherine Miller

The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller

Mary’s Meetup for Stepmoms

Call (914) 738-7765

Resources

The post Realistic Expectations for Successful Stepfamilies with Mary T. Kelly appeared first on Divorce Dialogues.

Coparenting Through COVID-19 with Cameron Goodman

Katherine Miller — Wed, 27 May 2020 01:00:26 +0000

EP: 126

Cameron Goodman

Coparenting Through COVID-19

KatherineMiller · Coparenting Through COVID-19 with Cameron Goodman

If you had trouble seeing eye to eye with your ex before the Coronavirus hit, the crisis likely magnified the issue. And with the current restrictions on travel, following your carefully crafted custody plan may be impossible. So, what is the best way to approach coparenting through COVID-19?

Cameron Goodman is the founder of Goodman Law Firm, a Chicago area boutique practice specializing in divorce and family law. With nearly 20 years of legal experience, Cameron is dedicated to helping families in transition move forward with their lives, leveraging the collaborative process whenever possible to produce favorable outcomes.

On this episode, Cameron joins Katherine to discuss the challenges of coparenting through COVID-19. He encourages divorced parents to prioritize their kids’ needs over their own and be flexible with custody plans in light of the pandemic, leveraging mediation to facilitate communication when needed. Listen in for Cameron’s insight on how the collaborative process helps coparents work together in a crisis and learn what you can do to demonstrate good parenting judgement in this unprecedented time.

Topics Covered

Being flexible with custody plans in the time of COVID-19

Cameron’s advice for his clients during the Coronavirus pandemic

Prioritize kids’ needs over own
Adjust schedule to minimize travel

The particular challenge when divorced parents see the crisis differently

When the courts in Illinois are granting ‘emergency relief’

Why it might show good parenting judgement to see your kids less right now

How the collaborative process helps coparents work together in a crisis

Cameron’s description of a high-conflict ‘scorched earth’ divorce

The broader opportunity for creative solutions afforded by a collaborative team of professionals

Cameron’s DO’S and DON’TS for coparenting through COVID-19

DO make child available to other parent by phone, follow jurisdiction’s orders for safety
DON’T insist on travel exchanges

How mediation can help facilitate communication between coparents

What led Cameron to focus his practice on the collaborative process

Connect with Cameron Goodman

Goodman Law Firm

Call (630) 474-6700

Connect with Katherine Miller

The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller

KatherineMiller · How to Build a Parenting Plan That Work for Your Children with Elyse Goldweber

Call (914) 738-7765

The post Coparenting Through COVID-19 with Cameron Goodman appeared first on Divorce Dialogues.

How to Build a Parenting Plan That Work for Your Children with Elyse Goldweber

Katherine Miller — Wed, 01 Apr 2020 01:00:16 +0000

EP: 122

Elyse Goldweber

How to Build a Parenting Plan That Work for Your Children

Among the most painful aspects of divorce is not being able to see our children for extended periods of time. And the holidays can be especially difficult. So, what do divorcing parents need to consider as we negotiate a parenting plan that works for everyone involved? What can we do to protect our kids through the process and design an agreement that is as fair as possible?

Elyse Golweber has 30-plus years of experience in the realm of matrimonial law, family law and the dissolution of business partnerships. She began her career as a trial attorney for the US Department of Justice and served as a lawyer for the SEC’s Division of Enforcement before founding Goldweber Epstein in 1995. Elyse currently serves on the Family Law Committee of the Women’s Bar Association and the Matrimonial Committee of the Association of the Bar of the City of New York.

On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Elyse joins Katherine to discuss the role of creativity in building a parenting plan specific to the family involved. She explains what it takes to make a 50/50 custody plan work and shares her approach to deciding where children will spend the holidays. Listen in for Elyse’s insight how the attorney for the child impacts divorce negotiations and learn what you can do to protect your kids through this challenging process.

Topics Covered

Building a creative parenting plan specific to the family involved

How the parenting agreement serves as the ‘default position’

How Elyse thinks about fairness in the context of parenting plans

When a 50/50 custody agreement is most appropriate + what makes a 50/50 plan work

The challenges of building a parenting plan when the kids don’t want to leave home

Why Elyse prefers 50/50 plans that divide the week over week on/week off plans

The benefits of working with a parent coordinator

The difficult adjustment divorcing parents face in not seeing their children for extended periods

The role of the attorney for the child and how they impact negotiations

Elyse’s approach to determining where kids will spend the holidays

What parents can do to protect their children through divorce negotiations

Elyse’s advice for parents struggling to give up their role as CEO of the family

Connect with Elyse Goldweber

(212) 355-4149

Connect with Katherine Miller

The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller

KatherineMiller · Preparing Your Kids for the Transition to Divorce with Dr. Jeff Zimmerman

Call (914) 738-7765

The post How to Build a Parenting Plan That Work for Your Children with Elyse Goldweber appeared first on Divorce Dialogues.

Preparing Your Kids for the Transition to Divorce with Dr. Jeff Zimmerman

Katherine Miller — Wed, 18 Mar 2020 01:00:27 +0000

EP: 121

Dr. Jeff Zimmerman

Preparing Your Kids for the Transition to Divorce

Conventional wisdom tells us that divorce has a negative influence on children. And yet, the research reveals that it’s the level of parental conflict that has the greatest adverse impact on kids—whether their parents stay married or not. So, how can we work WITH our ex to make the transition a little easier on our children? What can we do to step up and be parents for our kids when they need us most?

Dr. Jeffrey Zimmerman is a licensed psychologist with more than 35 years of experience supporting individuals and families through the stress of separation and divorce. Dr. Zimmerman is trained as a mediator, parenting coordinator, and collaborative divorce professional, and he earned the Connecticut Psychological Association’s Distinguished Contribution to the Practice of Psychology Award for his work with high-conflict families of divorce. Dr. Zimmerman is also the coauthor of Adult Children of Divorce, The Co-Parenting Survival Guide, and Loving Your Children More Than You Hate Each Other.

On this episode of the podcast, Dr. Zimmerman joins Katherine to explain what parents can do to prepare their kids for divorce and explain the situation in an age-appropriate manner. He discusses the research around parental conflict as the greatest negative influence on kids, walking us through what parental conflict can look like and what parents can do to engage in cooperative coparenting. Listen in for Dr. Zimmerman’s insight on sharing your emotions with your children and learn how to separate your role as a spouse from your role as a parent to make the transition to divorce easier on your kids.

Topics Covered

Explaining divorce to your children in an age-appropriate manner

How divorce impacts the development of very young children

The research around parental conflict as the greatest negative influence on kids

What parental conflict looks like (e.g.: badmouthing, sarcasm, outright hostility, etc.)

What parents can do to engage in cooperative coparenting

Why teens and adult children have complicated reactions to divorce

Dr. Zimmerman’s advice on telling very young children about divorce

Small doses of info in terms they understand
Reassurance more important than schedule

Dr. Zimmerman’s insight on sharing your emotions with your children

Separating your role as a spouse from your role as a parent

Making the transition to divorce easier for kids through nesting

Connect with Dr. Jeff Zimmerman

Dr. Zimmerman’s Website

Books by Dr. Zimmerman

Call (914) 595-4040

Connect with Katherine Miller

The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller

Adult Children of Divorce: How to Overcome the Legacy of Your Parents’ Break-up and Enjoy Love, Trust, and Intimacy by Elizabeth Thayer and Jeffrey Zimmerman

Call (914) 738-7765

Resources

The Co-Parenting Survival Guide: Letting Go of Conflict After a Difficult Divorce by Elizabeth Thayer and Jeffrey Zimmerman

Loving Your Children More Than You Hate Each Other: Powerful Tools for Navigating a High-Conflict Divorce by Lauren J. Behrman and Jeffrey Zimmerman

The post Preparing Your Kids for the Transition to Divorce with Dr. Jeff Zimmerman appeared first on Divorce Dialogues.

Connecting with Your Kids as a Divorced Dad with Tommy Maloney

Katherine Miller — Wed, 17 Jul 2019 01:00:30 +0000

EP: 103

Tommy Maloney

Connecting with Your Kids as a Divorced Dad

Divorce is difficult enough, but it’s particularly tough when you feel like you’re losing your kids. How can you maintain the connection with your children when your time with them is limited? How do you make memories whether or not you live in the same household?

Tommy Maloney is the cofounder of Blending the Family, a platform dedicated to helping divorced parents navigate dating and remarriage. He is also the author of 25 Tips for Divorced Dads and the host of the Blending the Family Podcast. A well-known speaker and parenting coach, Tommy is on a mission to provide resources for divorced dads and help them realize it’s okay to ask for help.

On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Tommy joins Katherine to share the experience of his own divorce and offer advice around cherishing the time you have with your kids. He explains why men have a difficult time asking for help and why it’s crucial to review your parenting agreement with a professional before you sign. Listen in to understand Danny’s mission around showcasing positive examples of fatherhood and learn how to stay connected with your kids, even if you don’t live with them anymore.

Topics Covered

Tommy’s take on the lack of resources for divorced dads

How Tommy’s divorce informs his current coaching work

Why asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness

Why men have a hard time admitting they’re struggling

Reviewing your parenting agreement with a professional

Tommy’s regrets re: taking time with his son for granted

Staying connected with your kids after you move out

The themes of Tommy’s book My Dad’s Advice at 5:04AM

The value in showcasing positive examples of fatherhood

How to respond if your ex-spouse criticizes your parenting

Connect with Tommy Maloney

Blending the Family

Blending the Family Podcast

Connect with Katherine Miller

The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller