Protecting Your Kids with Intelligent Divorce with Dr. Mark Banschick

EP: 074

Dr. Mark Banschick

Protecting Your Kids with Intelligent Divorce


Is there a way to protect your child’s innocence during the divorce process? What strategies can you use to parent well in the midst of such a difficult time? The Intelligent Divorce offers couples an approach to separation and divorce that prevents damage to kids and teaches you how to create a bi-nuclear family built on kindness and respect.

Dr. Mark Banschick is a child psychiatrist in private practice in New York and a frequent expert witness in custody hearings. He coined the idea of the Intelligent Divorce and authored two books on the subject, The Intelligent Divorce: Taking Care of Children and The Intelligent Divorce: Taking Care of Yourself. Dr. Banschick has appeared on The CBS Early Show and the CBS Morning News, and he is published regularly in Psychology Today and the Huffington Post.

Today, Dr. Banschick joins Katherine to explain how the Intelligent Divorce prevents damage to kids during the divorce process. He offers his take on divorce as a public health issue rather than a legal one and discusses the significance of establishing what he calls an intergenerational boundary. Dr. Banschick walks us through The Child’s Bill of Rights, describing how the Intelligent Divorce protects their innocence and educates kids in the process of conflict resolution. Listen in for insight around the difference between jealousy and envy—and hear Dr. Banschick’s thoughts on when and how to tell your kids you are getting a divorce.

Topics Covered

How Dr. Banschick’s work led to the Intelligent Divorce

Dr. Banschick’s advice around working on your marriage first

The idea of a bi-nuclear family built on kindness and respect

Why Dr. Banschick sees divorce as a public health issue

How to protect your child’s innocence in the divorce process

The significance of establishing an intergenerational boundary

The Child’s Bill of Rights

  • Don’t ask to choose sides or confide in me
  • Spare details of legal proceedings
  • Give privacy on phone, don’t cross-examine after
  • I am not your messenger
  • Don’t ask to lie and listen when I talk
  • No guilt trips, no matter what
  • Don’t spoil me (even if you feel guilty)

How people regress during the divorce process

How Intelligent Divorce educates kids in conflict resolution

Melanie Kline’s distinction between jealousy and envy

The benefits of working with a good psychotherapist

When and how to tell your kids that you are getting a divorce

Connect with Dr. Mark Banschick

The Intelligent Divorce

Free Book on Divorce

Resources

Intelligent Divorce: Taking Care of Children by Mark R. Banschick and David Tabatsky

Intelligent Divorce: Taking Care of Children by Mark R. Banschick and David Tabatsky

Family Stabilization Course

Melanie Klein

Connect with Katherine Miller

The Center for Understanding Conflict

Miller Law Group

Katherine on LinkedIn

The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller

Email katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com

Call (914) 738-7765