Putting Your Divorce on Pause with Terry Real

EP: 044

Terry Real

Putting Your Divorce on Pause



“It’s never too late. Put the divorce on pause, find a really strong, good therapist who knows what they’re doing, and give it a few months before you pull the plug.”

Terry Real is a renown family therapist and the bestselling author of I Don’t Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression and How Can I Get Through to You?: Reconnecting Men and Women. Terry is the founder of the Relational Empowerment Institute, and his work has been featured on NBC Nightly News, Today, and Oprah, as well as in The New York Times, Psychology Today, and numerous academic publications. He is known for his ground-breaking work in helping transform couples on the brink of divorce.

Today, Terry joins Katherine to discuss the role of grieving your marriage in the process of letting go and the silver lining of learning that can come from the divorce process. He shares his approach to working with couples on ‘marital death’s door,’ explaining how he leverages the Relationship Intervention to get couples back on track. Listen in to find out why Terry thinks you should press the pause button and seek out emergency couples therapy before you move forward with divorce.

Topics Covered

The challenge around feeling the pain of divorce without acting it out

The pivotal role of grieving in the process of letting go

How to view divorce as a potential growth experience

  • Understand your part in what went wrong
  • Realign with core values

How the Relationship Intervention helps couples get back on track

Terry’s approach to working with couples on ‘marital death’s door’

  • Take sides, tell the truth
  • Create treatment program

The value of having a therapist that acts as a coach rather than a cheerleader

Why couples don’t seek help before they are in dire straits

Terry’s take that no matter how bad a marriage is, there is always hope

The four methods of decision-making in the divorce process

  • DIY
  • Traditional litigation model
  • Mediation
  • Collaborative law

Connect with Terry Real

Terry’s Website

Books by Terry Real

Resources

Crazy Time: Surviving Divorce and Building a New Life by Abigail Trafford

‘How to Not Hate Your Husband’ in The Times

Relationship Inventory Quiz

I Don’t Want to Talk About It by Terry Real

Connect with Katherine Miller

The Center for Understanding Conflict
Miller Law Group
Katherine on LinkedIn