Self-Compassion + Collaborative Settlement = Splitopia
When Wendy Paris announced her trial separation to her liberal friends in New York City, she was surprised by the incredibly negative feedback she received. But when she unpacked their predictions of doom and gloom, Wendy realized that their fears around divorce derived from the facts of an earlier era, before no fault filing was an option. Wendy and her ex-husband moved slowly, leveraging alternative dispute resolution to collaborate on a settlement that set them both up for success.
Wendy has worked as a journalist and editor for 20-plus years, contributing content to media outlets including The New York Times, Quartz, The Guardian, Washington Post and Marketplace Radio, among many others. She currently blogs for Psychology Today, Huffington Post and Splitopia, the divorce wellness platform she founded in conjunction with her book, Splitopia: Dispatches from Today’s Good Divorce and How to Part Well. Wendy lives in Santa Monica, California, with her son—just a few blocks up the beach from her ex-husband.
Today, Wendy joins Katherine to share how her own experience with divorce inspired her to write Splitopia. She explains how our fears around divorce stem from the facts of an earlier era and the bizarre juxtaposition between society’s glamorization of marriage AND valorization of independence. Wendy discusses the need to inform divorcing couples of the collaborative options available to them early in the process and offers insight around how she and her husband navigated an amicable end to their marriage. Listen in and learn how to commit to self-compassion during the divorce process, viewing yourself with passion and forgiveness.
Wendy’s friends’ surprisingly negative reaction to her trial separation
How our fears around divorce stem from the facts of an earlier era
The bias resulting from conflated statistics promoted by pro-marriage pundits
Society’s glamorization of marriage vs. the valorization of independence
The need to inform divorcing couples of collaborative options early in the process
Wendy’s surprise around liking her ex-husband in the aftermath of divorce
Wendy’s insight on slowing down the divorce process
How Wendy’s ex-husband reframes divorce as a ‘success that ran its course’
The ‘seven principles of parting’ detailed in Splitopia
How to commit to self-compassion in the divorce process
- Universality of experience
- Practice mindfulness
- View self with understanding, forgiveness
Connect with Wendy Paris
Connect with Katherine Miller
The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller
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