The Deep Process of Releasing Conflict in Divorce with Alexis Neely

Katherine Miller — Mon, 18 Jul 2016 01:00:43 +0000

EP: 028

Alexis Neely

The Deep Process of Releasing Conflict in Divorce

Alexis Neely was going through an adversarial divorce settlement process. One evening in a hotel room, the weight of the conflict landed on her, and she prayed that a higher power would show her the way to resolution. In that moment, a very clear voice inside said, “Ask him what he needs to be safe, and give it to him.” Initially, Alexis resisted. Would her ex-husband take advantage of her generosity? What if he asked for more than she had to give? Eventually, though, Alexis found the courage and posed the question…

Today, Alexis is an estate and business planning attorney, a serial entrepreneur, and a single mom. After divorcing her husband in 2005, she went on to build a million-dollar law practice based on a new pricing model inspired in part by her experience with the settlement process. Alexis teaches her New Law Business Model to lawyers worldwide and supports entrepreneurs and small business owners in making legal, insurance, financial and tax decisions with their ‘eyes wide open.’ She and her ex-husband live together and co-parent their children amicably.

On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Alexis sits down with Katherine to share her adversarial experience in the collaborative law paradigm and explains the need to align the attorney’s economic interests with the best interest of the client. She offers insight into the tendency for divorcing couples to shrink their earning power, discussing how her divorce settlement ultimately incentivized her to build a million-dollar business. Alexis describes situations in which divorcing couples sacrifice their children’s well-being for the sake of money and the benefit of finding a lawyer who is focused on more than just getting the largest possible settlement. Listen in to understand how letting go of conflict opens you up to something greater and learn how reaching a resolution freed Alexis to move forward in faith.

Topics Covered

How Alexis supports lawyers in using the legal system to reach resolutions

Alexis’ experience with the collaborative law paradigm in her own divorce

How Alexis resolved the conflict by asking what her ex-husband needed to feel safe

The need to align the lawyer’s economic interests with the best interest of the client

Why Alexis built a new pricing model for her estate and business planning practice

How the divorce settlement incentivized Alexis to build a million-dollar business

Alexis’ insight on the tendency for divorcing couple to shrink their earning power

Finding a lawyer who is focused on the long-term implications of settlement decisions

How divorcing couples often sacrifice their children’s well-being for money

Alexis’ take on how resolving conflict frees your creativity

How letting go of conflict with generosity opens you up to something greater

The danger in listening to the Greek Chorus encouraging you to dig in and fight

Call (914) 738-7765

The post The Deep Process of Releasing Conflict in Divorce with Alexis Neely appeared first on Divorce Dialogues.

The Founding Father of Collaborative Divorce with Stu Webb

Katherine Miller — Thu, 10 Mar 2016 01:00:19 +0000

EP: 019

Stu Webb

The Founding Father of Collaborative Divorce

In 1990, Minneapolis divorce attorney Stu Webb was burned out and ready to call it a day. He had been practicing family law for 26 years, and he was done with the adversarial nature of litigation. Stu had a plan to quit his law practice, but he decided to quit ‘outrageously’ and try something completely different—working WITH the other lawyer toward a settlement for the divorcing couple. The concept worked, and Stu became the founding father of collaborative divorce.

Stu began to share information with small groups of like-minded lawyers across the country and built a community of professionals dedicated to out-of-court settlements through organizations like the Collaborative Law Institute of Minnesota. Today, collaborative law is helping families transition with dignity in 23 countries around the world. Stu retired in 2012, after 48 years of law practice. His legacy includes the co-authorship of The Collaborative Way to Divorce: The Revolutionary Method That Results in Less Stress, Lower Costs and Happier Kids—Without Going to Court.

Today, Stu joins Katherine to explain how he conceived of the collaborative divorce model. He describes how he built a community of professionals to support the collaborative process, discussing the evolution of the practice to include neutral mental health and financial experts. Stu speaks to the relationship between lawyers as the primary asset of collaborative law, offering insight around the nature of ‘winning’ in a litigious setting. Listen in to understand the advantages of the collaborative process, including the transparent exchange of information and the creation of a safe space to identify common goals.

Topics Covered

How Stu’s background as a litigator moved him to devise a different way to divorce

Stu’s AHA moment around handing cases that couldn’t be settled over to litigators

How Stu built a community of professionals to support the collaborative process

How Stu came to name the collaborative divorce model

Why people make poor decisions when pressured to settle ‘on the courtroom steps’

The professional insights provided by mental health, financial neutrals in the interdisciplinary model

How the relationship between lawyers differs in litigation vs. collaborative law

Stu’s take on litigation as a performance in which lawyers are expected to win

How the collaborative process supports clients in creating their own solution

The value of the transparent exchange of information in the collaborative model

How the privacy involved in the process allows participants to be more forthcoming