The Decision to Divorce: How Do You Know When It’s Time to Leave? with Nancy Colier

Katherine Miller — Wed, 21 Feb 2018 01:00:19 +0000

EP: 067

Nancy Colier

The Decision to Divorce: How Do You Know When It’s Time to Leave?

It goes without saying that the decision to divorce is not an easy one to make. For some couples, the back-and-forth goes on for years. Yes, it’s bad. But is it THAT bad? How do you know when it’s finally time to leave?

Nancy Colier is a psychotherapist, interfaith minister and relationship coach. A student of Eastern spirituality, mindfulness practices serve as the foundation of her work. She is invited to speak regularly on the topics of wellbeing and mindfulness, and Nancy has been featured on Good Morning America, Fox and Friends and in The New York Times. She is also a regular blogger for Psychology Today and the Huffington Post and the author of several books, including Inviting a Monkey to Tea: Befriending Your Mind and Discovering Lasting Contentment.

Today, Nancy joins Katherine to discuss the individual nature of making the decision to divorce. She explains how high-functioning women develop coping strategies to numb the not okay-ness, how men tend to have less fear around finding another partner, and how extramarital affairs function to fracture the connection and create change. Nancy walks us through the questions to ask as we take inventory of our relationships and describes the value in finding the deep wound under the narrative we’re stuck in. Listen in for insight around expressing differences without blame and learn how to have a warrior’s heart that opens precisely when it’s wounded.

Topics Covered

The individual nature of making the decision to divorce

The value in taking an inventory of what you are/are not willing to give up

How high-functioning women develop coping strategies to numb the not okay-ness

The tendency for men to have less fear about finding another partner

The role of extramarital affairs in creating the fracture that will motivate change

The questions to ask yourself in the decision-making process

What’s important to you? What’s non-negotiable?
What are you willing to do without?
What are you getting? What are you giving up?

Why expressing differences without blame is key in maintaining connection

How to be protective of your partner’s wounds without defending yourself

The challenge of opening your heart precisely in the moment you feel wounded

Connect with Nancy Colier

Nancy’s Website

Call (212) 316-6648

Nancy in Psychology Today

Connect with Katherine Miller

The Center for Understanding Conflict

Miller Law Group

Katherine on LinkedIn

The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller

Email katherine@miller-law.com

Call (914) 738-7765

The post The Decision to Divorce: How Do You Know When It’s Time to Leave? with Nancy Colier appeared first on Divorce Dialogues.

Making the Decision to Divorce with Ann Jackler, MSW, LCSW

Katherine Miller — Sat, 27 Jun 2015 01:00:37 +0000

EP: 001

Ann Jackler

Making the Decision to Divorce

As humans, we are wired to connect. So, if you are beginning to question your partner’s support, you are likely to feel a ‘primal panic’ that sets up a fight-or-flight response. Taking steps to repair the relationship early on can heal that disconnect, but many couples wait too long and find themselves trapped in a heightened conflict dynamic. How do you know when the bonds are too fractured to be fixed? What should you consider in making the difficult decision to divorce?

Ann Jackler is a psychotherapist specializing in individual and couples treatment. Her expertise is focused on issues related to premarital, marital, separation and divorce therapy, and she has led several separation and divorce psychotherapy support groups through the years. Ann has a master’s degree in social work and post-master’s training from the Ackerman Institute as well as the Family Institute of Westchester. She serves as an adjunct lecturer at the NYU School of Social Work and the Fordham School of Social Service. Ann has 30-plus years of experience in private practice, and her office is located in Scarsdale, New York.

Today, Ann sits down with Katherine to discuss the factors couples should consider in making the decision to divorce. She offers insight on the foundational issues that lead to disconnect in a relationship and explains why she invites couples to slow down before choosing divorce. Ann walks us through the components of a successful marriage and describes how a therapist can help you repair the fractured bonds or navigate the loss if you do make the decision to divorce. Listen in to understand the significance of exploring your relationship story and learn how the collaborative divorce option incorporates mental health professionals who provide support during this vulnerable time.