Manage Strong Emotions & Divorce with Dignity with Dr. Susan Heitler

Katherine Miller — Wed, 05 Feb 2020 01:00:23 +0000

EP: 118

Dr. Susan Heitler

Manage Strong Emotions & Divorce with Dignity

It’s no surprise that divorcing couples deal with strong emotions. And yet, we know that our brains work best when we’re in the Calm Zone. So, how do we manage the feelings of anxiety, anger or sadness that come up in the divorce process? How do we bring ourselves back to that quiet, problem-solving mode so that we can divorce with dignity?

Dr. Susan Heitler is a clinical psychologist specializing in the treatment of anxiety, depression, anger and marital difficulties. Educated at Harvard and NYU, Dr. Heitler is the author of several books, including Prescriptions Without Pills: For Relief from Depression, Anger, Anxiety and More and The Power of Two: Secrets to a Strong and Loving Marriage. She is often called upon to present training workshops for therapists around the world, and Dr. Heitler’s work has been featured in Men’s Health, Woman’s World, Parenting and Psychology Today, among many other media outlets.

On this episode, Dr. Heitler joins Katherine to share her Bump Theory of dealing with life’s challenges and walk us through the five possible reactions to a difficult situation like divorce. She explains why our brains don’t work under the influence of strong emotions and describes how to navigate the anxiety that comes when we’re facing the unknown. Listen in to understand Dr. Heitler’s Best Possible Light exercise for reframing shame and learn how to alleviate anger, anxiety and depression—without pills!

Topics Covered

Why our brains don’t work under the influence of strong emotions

The 5 reactions to challenging situations in Dr. Heitler’s Bump Theory

Finding solutions
Fight
Fold
Freeze
Flee

The consequences of anger, depression, anxiety and avoidance

How to navigate the anxiety of changes associated with divorce

The interventions for divorcing couples at Prescriptions Without Pills

Dr. Heitler’s Best Possible Light exercise for reframing shame

Why couples considering divorce should find a good therapist

Dr. Heitler’s take on narcissism, sociopathy and personality disorder

Connect with Dr. Susan Heitler

Prescriptions Without Pills

Therapy Help

Dr. Heitler on Psychology Today

Connect with Katherine Miller

The Center for Understanding Conflict

Miller Law Group

Katherine on LinkedIn

The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller

Email katherine@miller-law.com

Call (914) 738-7765

Resources

Prescriptions Without Pills: For Relief from Depression, Anger, Anxiety and More by Susan Heitler PhD

Bump Theory

Power of Two

The Power of Two: Secrets to a Strong and Loving Marriage by Susan Heitler PhD

Marriage Story

The post Manage Strong Emotions & Divorce with Dignity with Dr. Susan Heitler appeared first on Divorce Dialogues.

Dignity, Self-Preservation and Conflict Resolution in Relationships with Donna Hicks

Katherine Miller — Wed, 03 Aug 2016 01:00:09 +0000

EP: 032

Donna Hicks

Dignity, Self-Preservation and Conflict Resolution in Relationships

Whether a conflict involves international powers, corporate leadership, or a husband and wife, a violation of dignity is always the underlying cause. No matter the situation, we are all looking to be treated as if we have worth and value, and it is this fundamental desire for dignity that makes us human. How can a better understanding of the principles of dignity help us improve our relationships and address conflicts in a way that doesn’t perpetuate a destructive dynamic?

Donna Hicks has 20-plus years of experience as a facilitator in international conflicts in the Middle East, Sri Lanka, Colombia, Cuba, Northern Ireland and the US. Her understanding of dignity and the role it plays in resolving conflict has transformed work environments for prominent companies, nonprofits and government agencies, and Donna’s impressive client roster includes the World Bank, the United Nations, the US Navy and the Senate of Colombia. She was a featured speaker at TEDx Stormont in 2013 and co-host of Facing the Truth for the BBC with Archbishop Desmond Tutu in 2006. Donna is the author of the bestseller Dignity: The Essential Role It Plays in Resolving Conflict, and she has been invited to discuss the topic on prominent media outlets including the BBC, Fox News and NPR.

Today, Donna sits down with Katherine to explain how her work with international conflict resolution translates to families. She discusses the universal desire to be treated as if we matter as the one aspiration that unites us all. Donna speaks to the concept of dignity within the context of marriage, describing how self-preservation instincts make it difficult to give our partners the benefit of the doubt and apologize for dignity violations. Listen in for insight around the technique of ‘getting up on the balcony’ to reflect on your behavior and pausing for 90 seconds before responding to a dignity violation.

Topics Covered

How Donna’s work with international conflict translates to families

The universal desire to be treated as someone with value, worth

How a dignity violation is the underlying cause of every conflict

Donna’s insight around dignity as the aspiration that unites us all

The concept of dignity in the framework of marriage

How external pressures undermine our sense of dignity for our partners

The idea of attribution error in the context of marriage

The benefit of the doubt as an essential element of honoring dignity

How the desire to get even is prompted by self-preservation instinct

The technique of ‘getting up on the balcony’ to reflect on your behavior

How the brain responds to dignity violations the same as physical harm

The value in pausing for 90 seconds before responding to a violation

The challenge of apologizing in spite of the instinct to eliminate a threat

How to provide feedback about how you were hurt without returning harm

Call (914) 738-7765

The post Dignity, Self-Preservation and Conflict Resolution in Relationships with Donna Hicks appeared first on Divorce Dialogues.

Dignity – Divorce Dialogues

Manage Strong Emotions & Divorce with Dignity with Dr. Susan Heitler

Dr. Susan Heitler