JoAnne Pedro-Carroll

How to Avoid Conflict & Coparent Well in Challenging Times

The Coronavirus has thrown us all for a loop, forcing us to take on multiple roles at once. Parents are struggling to work from home and homeschool our children at the same time, all while managing financial challenges and fears around the health and safety of the people we love. And divorced parents have the added pressure of coparenting in a time when our parenting plans just aren’t feasible. So, what can we do to avoid conflict with our ex and show up for our kids as the best possible version of ourselves?

Clinical psychologist Dr. JoAnne Pedro-Carroll is an internationally recognized expert in the field of children and divorce, appearing regularly as a keynote speaker at conferences around the globe. She has 35 years of clinical experience helping families navigate the transitions that accompany divorce and often serves as a child specialist in the collaborative law process. JoAnne is also the bestselling author of Putting Children First: Proven Parenting Strategies for Helping Children Thrive Through Divorce.

On this special edition of Divorce Dialogues, JoAnne joins Katherine to discuss the heightened stresses divorced parents are dealing with right now and encourage coparents who are struggling to reach out to a neutral third party. She explains why our brains tend toward fight, flight or freeze in circumstances like these and what we can do to respond rather than react—and be the kind of parent we really want to be. Listen in for JoAnne’s insight on seeing your ex as a respected colleague in the business of raising your children and learn how you can help your child build resilience and thrive through divorce AND quarantine.

Topics Covered

The stresses divorced parents are dealing with through COVID-19

• Emotions heightened in times of uncertainty
• Overwhelmed with managing multiple roles

What to do when one parent wants to follow the parenting plan but the other is fearful

Why it’s crucial to have a safe space for thinking through your options

The value of a neutral third party to facilitate problem-solving (e.g.: family counselor)

When our brains tend toward fight, flight or freeze + why that’s not optimal for collaboration

The relationship between self-care and our ability to be the kind of parent we want to be

Why asking for help is a sign of strength rather than weakness

Protecting your child’s health vs. trying to control your ex

Renegotiating your relationship with your ex as business partners in raising children

How conflict between parents adds to a child’s anxiety, fear and worry

The two most powerful predictors of a child’s resilience in divorce

1. Parents’ ability to contain conflict
2. Quality of parenting itself

Connect with JoAnne Pedro-Carroll

JoAnne’s Website

Connect with Katherine Miller

The Center for Understanding Conflict

Miller Law Group

Katherine on LinkedIn

The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller

Email katherine@miller-law.com

Call (914) 738-7765

Resources

Putting Children First: Proven Parenting Strategies for Helping Children Thrive Through Divorce by JoAnne Pedro-Carroll, PhD

JoAnne on Divorce Dialogues EP035

The post How to Avoid Conflict & Coparent Well in Challenging Times with JoAnne Pedro-Carroll appeared first on Divorce Dialogues.

Dr. JoAnne Pedro-Carroll

Parenting Strategies to Help Children Thrive Through Divorce

Parents worry about the long-term impact divorce will have on their children. The good news is that two-thirds of the children of divorce are just fine. The bad news is that one-third are, indeed, disadvantaged by long-term problems. What can parents do to ensure that their children fall in to the resilient category—and go on to thrive in the aftermath of divorce?

Dr. JoAnne Pedro-Carroll is recognized internationally as an authority in the field of children and divorce, speaking regularly at conferences all over the world and consulting with universities, schools, courts and health agencies on matters relating to child mental health and parenting. Additionally, she continues to work with children and families in private practice and serves as a child specialist in the collaborative divorce process. Dr. Pedro-Carroll held faculty positions in psychology and psychiatry at the University of Rochester from 1984 to 2008 and was a Senior Researcher at the Children’s Institute in Rochester, New York. She serves as an advisor to Sesame Street on its Little Children, Big Challenges initiative, and she is the author of Putting Children First: Proven Parenting Strategies for Helping Children Thrive Through Divorce.

Today, Dr. Pedro-Carroll sits down with Katherine to address what parents can do to help their children demonstrate resilience through the divorce process. She explains the misguided view that taking the high road makes you vulnerable and the impact of long-term resentment on your ability to parent effectively. Dr. Pedro-Carroll offers insight around the role of the child specialist in the collaborative divorce process and the feasibility of bird nesting as a workable solution for divorcing families. Listen in for the factors to consider in the development of an effective parenting plan and learn how to give you kids a voice in the process.

Topics Covered

The challenge of managing emotions of fear, loss and grief through divorce

The statistics around long-term problems exhibited by children of divorce

• 1/3 suffer from long-term issues
• 2/3 make healthy adjustment

The two most powerful predictive factors for resilient children of divorce

1. Extent to which parents contain conflict
2. Quality of parenting, relationship between children and parents

The misguided view that taking the high road makes you vulnerable

How holding onto resentment impacts parenting in a negative way

The value in keeping families out of court with alternative processes

Dr. Pedro-Carroll’s take on bird nesting as a short-term solution

Dr. Pedro-Carroll’s insight on developing a parenting schedule

• Based on children’s ages, circumstances
• Allow for frequent contact with both parents
• Test different plans, reassess as necessary

How to give children a voice in the parenting plan without the burden of choice

The child specialist’s role in the collaborative divorce process

• Guide parents in understanding children’s needs, worries

How the way you tell children about the divorce sets the tone moving forward

Connect with Dr. JoAnne Pedro-Carroll

Dr. Pedro-Carroll’s Website

Resources

Putting Children First: Proven Parenting Strategies for Helping Children Thrive Through Divorce by JoAnne Pedro-Carroll

Connect with Katherine Miller

The Center for Understanding Conflict

Miller Law Group

Katherine on LinkedIn

The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller

Email katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com

Call (914) 738-7765

The post Parenting Strategies to Help Children Thrive Through Divorce with Dr. JoAnne Pedro-Carroll appeared first on Divorce Dialogues.