Anne-Louise DePalo

Become Fully ALIVE Through the Divorce Process

Divorce forces us to forge a new identity. Like it or not, life is different now, and we can either fight the change or accept and adapt to a new reality. Best case scenario, we use the crisis as an opportunity to change for the better, making decisions about what we value and focusing on our health and spiritual growth. We can leverage the divorce process to become fully ourselves—and fully ALIVE!

Anne-Louise DePalo is a New York attorney with 30-plus years of experience in the realm of divorce and family law. She is a certified mediator, parent coordinator, spiritual director and collaborative divorce advocate. Ann-Louise is also a founding member of the Staten Island Collaborative Law Group and the author of Divorce: Now What? How to Survive, Thrive and Become Fully Alive Through the Divorce Process.

Today, Anne-Louise joins Katherine to explain how helping people understand their options inspired her to write Divorce: Now What? She walks us through the benefits of the collaborative process, including its interdisciplinary approach and cost-effectiveness. Anne-Louise also shares her strategies for ‘becoming fully alive’ through the divorce process and offers insight into leveraging your anger to move your life forward. Listen in to understand the role a Spiritual Director might play in the divorce process and learn how to see divorce as an opportunity to transform mind, body and soul!

Topics Covered

Anne-Louise’s mission to help people understand their options in divorce

Why Anne-Louise prefers the interdisciplinary approach of collaborative law

Why collaborative divorce is much more cost-effective than litigation

The benefit of being in a room together per the collaborative model

How divorce is an opportunity for transformation of the mind, body and soul

Anne-Louise’s strategies for ‘becoming fully alive’ through divorce

• Deep reflection + creative expression
• Pursue hobbies and interests
• Opportunity for spiritual growth

The importance of accepting your new reality rather than fighting change

Anne-Louise’s philosophy that forgiveness is a gift you give yourself

Anne-Louise’s insight on the role of a Spiritual Director in the divorce process

Accepting your anger + using that energy to move your life forward

Anne-Louise’s advice on exploring your options, choosing a divorce attorney

Connect with Anne-Louise DePalo

DePalo Law Firm

Staten Island Collaborative Law Group

Divorce: Now What? How to Survive, Thrive and Become Fully Alive Through the Divorce Process by Anne-Louise DePalo

Connect with Katherine Miller

The Center for Understanding Conflict

Miller Law Group

Katherine on LinkedIn

The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller

Email katherine@miller-law.com

Call (914) 738-7765

Resources

Dr. Janis Abrahms Spring

Dr. Janis Abrahms Spring on Divorce Dialogues EP018

The post Become Fully ALIVE Through the Divorce Process with Anne-Louise DePalo appeared first on Divorce Dialogues.

Bill Eddy

Process Choice in High-Conflict Divorce

Traditionally, alternative dispute resolution methods like mediation and collaborative divorce are seen as a good fit for couples who are civil to each other and simply need a professional to support them in the legal aspects of the process. But Bill Eddy argues that the non-adversarial processes are crucial for high-conflict people navigating divorce.

Bill Eddy is a lawyer, therapist, mediator and the co-founder and Training Director of the High Conflict Institute. He has become an international expert on managing disputes involving high-conflict personalities and personality disorders, and he provides training on the subject to professionals all over the world. Bill is a Certified Family Law Specialist and the Senior Family Mediator at the National Conflict Resolution Center in Sand Diego. He is the author of several books, including High Conflict People in Legal Disputes, Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and BIFF: Quick Responses to High-Conflict People.

Today, Bill sits down with Katherine to explain why high-conflict people need a non-adversarial divorce process. He shares the benefits of consulting a lawyer during the mediation process and the significance of going into alternative dispute resolution with a focus on the future. Bill describes what is involved in his pre-mediation coaching as well as his approach to mediation when a restraining order is involved. Listen in for Bill’s insight on communicating with high-conflict people and finding a lawyer who supports mediation and the collaborative divorce process.

Topics Covered

Why high-conflict people need a non-adversarial divorce process

• Court escalates adversarial thinking
• Gives rise to false allegations, abuse

How high-conflict people are more sensitive to feeling attacked

The benefit of consulting a lawyer during the mediation process

The value of a divorce financial analyst in alternative dispute resolution

How informed consent serves as the key to a non-adversarial process

What’s involved in Bill’s pre-mediation coaching

How Bill handles mediation when a restraining order is involved

How collaborative teaches high-conflict couples communication skills

How parenting plans can be structured around limited contact in extreme cases

How the self-doubt people feel during divorce is exacerbated by lack of respect

The techniques Bill recommends for communicating with high-conflict people

• EAR—empathy, attention and respect
• BIFF—brief, informative, friendly and firm (i.e.: email, Facebook)

Why Bill suggests finding a lawyer who will support mediation/collaborative divorce

Connect with Bill Eddy

High Conflict Institute

National Conflict Resolution Center

Resources

New Ways for Families

BIFF: Quick Responses to High-Conflict People by Bill Eddy

How to Write a BIFF Response DVD

Coaching for BIFF Response DVD

Our Family Wizard

Is Divorce Mediation for You? DVD

High Conflict People in Legal Disputes by Bill Eddy

Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder by Bill Eddy

Connect with Katherine Miller

The Center for Understanding Conflict

Miller Law Group

Katherine on LinkedIn

The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller

Email katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com

Call (914) 738-7765

The post Process Choice in High-Conflict Divorce with Bill Eddy appeared first on Divorce Dialogues.

Elana Katz

The Emotional Repercussions of Divorce

Divorce can bring out sides of ourselves we didn’t know were there. Depression is common, as is rage. And many divorcing couples are surprised by these feelings of extreme anger or sadness and isolation. The question becomes, how do you process these emotions and deal with them in a healthy way?

Elana Katz is a psychotherapist and collaborative divorce professional based in Manhattan. She also serves as senior faculty at the Ackerman Institute for the Family, where she teaches advanced family therapy and directs the Family and Divorce Mediation Program. Elana presents nationally and internationally on family therapy, mediation and collaborative divorce, and she has been quoted by the New York Times, the Associated Press and NPR.

Today, Elana joins Katherine to explain how the experience of divorce can serve as a triggering event for depression. She walks us through attachment theory, describing how we process separation as a danger cue. Elana also addresses the other common post-divorce emotion, rage. She speaks to the triggers for extreme anger as well as techniques for dealing with these very strong emotions. Listen in for Elana’s insight on reframing the divorce experience and learn how to use the time to develop self-awareness and consider what really matters.

Topics Covered

How the experience of divorce serves as a triggering event for depression

How post-divorce depression may catch people off guard

How divorcing couples demonstrate attachment theory

• Process separation as danger cue
• Come out swinging, curl in or both

The best way to provide support for a friend, family member during divorce

How to set appropriate boundaries for your own self-care

How feeling enraged, easily provoked is a common post-divorce emotion

Elana’s advice around dealing with strong emotions during/after divorce

• Make sense of emotions
• Practice self-compassion
• Identify, articulate previous successful transitions
• Moderate physical exercise

Elana’s insight on reframing the divorce experience

• Seize as time to develop greater awareness
• Reboot and consider what really matters

How to leverage coaching to be present and proactive in the divorce process

The difference between Elana’s role as mediator vs. collaborative coach

Elana’s guidance around carefully considering process choice

Elana’s take on how anger can be either mobilizing or debilitating

How to handle the rage you may be feeling in the divorce process

Connect with Elana Katz

Ackerman Institute for the Family

Email ekatz@ackerman.org

Call (212) 879-4900

Resources

Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself by Dr. Kristin Neff

Connect with Katherine Miller

The Center for Understanding Conflict

Miller Law Group

Katherine on LinkedIn

The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller

Email katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com

Call (914) 738-7765

The post The Emotional Repercussions of Divorce with Elana Katz appeared first on Divorce Dialogues.

Barbara

A Case Study in Mediation and Litigation

You may have guessed that the tone of the mediation process is very different from that of litigation, but you may or may not realize that a couple can makes use of more than one process choice during the course of a divorce. Barbara and her ex-husband, Alan, used a mediator to design a parenting plan, and the process was both cost-effective and peaceful. But when it came time to deal with the unraveling of their financial lives, the tone shifted.

Barbara had left her job in social work 13 years prior to stay home and care for their children, one of whom suffered from a life-threatening disease before his passing at the age of seven. Alan worked long and hard to cultivate a successful career on Wall Street.  As a result, Alan deferred to Barbara on much of the decision-making around parenting, while he took responsibility for the management of their finances. Their views of each other’s contribution to the economic partnership were very different, and the division of their assets became a point of contention. Mediation was no longer an option.

Today, Barbara joins Katherine to explain how she and Alan began the process with mediation and why crafting a parenting plan was the easiest part of their divorce. She discusses how differing world views led to clearly defined roles during their marriage and tension around the equitable distribution of assets during their divorce. Barbara speaks to the challenge in understanding your partner’s contribution to the economic partnership of a marriage and how the definition of ‘equitable distribution’ continues to evolve. Listen in for Barbara’s insight on how communication works in mediation, collaboration and litigation and learn how she navigated a divorce involving more than one process choice.

Topics Covered

How Barbara and Alan’s differing world views affected their divorce

Barbara and Alan’s clearly defined roles during their marriage

How the couple designed a parenting plan through mediation

Why crafting a parenting plan was the easiest part of their divorce

How the definition of ‘equitable distribution’ continues to evolve

Why Barbara and Alan left mediation prior to a full resolution

Barbara’s take on communication in process choice

• Communicate with third party present in mediation
• Supervised communication in case of collaboration
• Communication done for you in litigation

How a commencement of action set the tone for their division of assets

What is involved in the equitable distribution of assets during a divorce

Barbara and Alan’s differing views of their contributions to the economic partnership

The need for a signed participation agreement to initiate the collaborative process

Why Alan was willing to risk the associated legal fees for a greater share of their assets

Connect with Katherine Miller

The Center for Understanding Conflict

Miller Law Group

Katherine on LinkedIn

The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller

Email katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com

Call (914) 738-7765

The post A Case Study in Mediation and Litigation appeared first on Divorce Dialogues.