The Decision to Divorce: How Do You Know When It’s Time to Leave? with Nancy Colier

Katherine Miller — Wed, 21 Feb 2018 01:00:19 +0000

EP: 067

Nancy Colier

The Decision to Divorce: How Do You Know When It’s Time to Leave?

It goes without saying that the decision to divorce is not an easy one to make. For some couples, the back-and-forth goes on for years. Yes, it’s bad. But is it THAT bad? How do you know when it’s finally time to leave?

Nancy Colier is a psychotherapist, interfaith minister and relationship coach. A student of Eastern spirituality, mindfulness practices serve as the foundation of her work. She is invited to speak regularly on the topics of wellbeing and mindfulness, and Nancy has been featured on Good Morning America, Fox and Friends and in The New York Times. She is also a regular blogger for Psychology Today and the Huffington Post and the author of several books, including Inviting a Monkey to Tea: Befriending Your Mind and Discovering Lasting Contentment.

Today, Nancy joins Katherine to discuss the individual nature of making the decision to divorce. She explains how high-functioning women develop coping strategies to numb the not okay-ness, how men tend to have less fear around finding another partner, and how extramarital affairs function to fracture the connection and create change. Nancy walks us through the questions to ask as we take inventory of our relationships and describes the value in finding the deep wound under the narrative we’re stuck in. Listen in for insight around expressing differences without blame and learn how to have a warrior’s heart that opens precisely when it’s wounded.

Topics Covered

The individual nature of making the decision to divorce

The value in taking an inventory of what you are/are not willing to give up

How high-functioning women develop coping strategies to numb the not okay-ness

The tendency for men to have less fear about finding another partner

The role of extramarital affairs in creating the fracture that will motivate change

The questions to ask yourself in the decision-making process

What’s important to you? What’s non-negotiable?
What are you willing to do without?
What are you getting? What are you giving up?

Why expressing differences without blame is key in maintaining connection

How to be protective of your partner’s wounds without defending yourself

The challenge of opening your heart precisely in the moment you feel wounded

Connect with Nancy Colier

Nancy’s Website

Call (212) 316-6648

Nancy in Psychology Today

Connect with Katherine Miller

The Center for Understanding Conflict

Miller Law Group

Katherine on LinkedIn

The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller

Email katherine@miller-law.com

Call (914) 738-7765

The post The Decision to Divorce: How Do You Know When It’s Time to Leave? with Nancy Colier appeared first on Divorce Dialogues.

The Emotional Repercussions of Divorce with Elana Katz

Katherine Miller — Sat, 13 Feb 2016 01:00:57 +0000

EP: 017

Elana Katz

The Emotional Repercussions of Divorce

Divorce can bring out sides of ourselves we didn’t know were there. Depression is common, as is rage. And many divorcing couples are surprised by these feelings of extreme anger or sadness and isolation. The question becomes, how do you process these emotions and deal with them in a healthy way?

Elana Katz is a psychotherapist and collaborative divorce professional based in Manhattan. She also serves as senior faculty at the Ackerman Institute for the Family, where she teaches advanced family therapy and directs the Family and Divorce Mediation Program. Elana presents nationally and internationally on family therapy, mediation and collaborative divorce, and she has been quoted by the New York Times, the Associated Press and NPR.

Today, Elana joins Katherine to explain how the experience of divorce can serve as a triggering event for depression. She walks us through attachment theory, describing how we process separation as a danger cue. Elana also addresses the other common post-divorce emotion, rage. She speaks to the triggers for extreme anger as well as techniques for dealing with these very strong emotions. Listen in for Elana’s insight on reframing the divorce experience and learn how to use the time to develop self-awareness and consider what really matters.