Ann Papayoti

Grief, Gratitude, and Helping Children Navigate Divorce

Divorce is hard. The emotions of the breakup colliding with the legal business is a lot for people to manage mentally. What’s really complicated is when people get too wrapped up in their divorce and fail to see their children’s pain.

But what is the best way to talk to children about divorce? What do they struggle with the most throughout the separation process?

Ann Papayoti is an international life, leadership and relationship coach, as well as a speaker, educator, and co-author of The Gift of Shift, an intimate self-help book about creating a new outlook on life. She is the founder of SkyView Coaching, where she helps people rise above their most challenging moments so they can thrive once again.

On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Ann joins Katherine to explain the four main things children really want from their parents after a divorce. They discuss the complicated emotions children feel and how parents can make it as easy as possible for their kids to navigate a divorce.

Listen in as Ann shares her experience with divorce that led to becoming a life coach, the relationship between grief and gratitude, and the importance of becoming your own best friend. 

Topics Covered

The difference between a divorce coach and a breakup coach

Keeping the emotion of the breakup out of the business of the divorce

The 4 things children want from their parents after a divorce

How parents often fail to show up for their kids emotionally after a divorce

The importance of communication between the child and the parent during and after the separation between the two parents

How children end up in the middle of the communication between parents getting divorced

The relationship between grief and gratitude

Ann’s book and her personal experiences with divorce, grief, and becoming her own best friend

Dealing with betrayal and the importance of trusting yourself

Connect with Anne Papayoti

SkyView Coaching

SkyView Coaching on Facebook

Ann on Twitter

Ann on Instagram

Ann on LinkedIn

Connect with Katherine Miller 

The Center for Understanding in Conflict 

Miller Law Group 

Katherine on LinkedIn 

The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller 

Email katherine@miller-law.com 

Call (914) 862-7487

Resources

Free Gift from SkyView Coaching

The Gift of Shift: Discover the Key Within to Unlock Your Best Life by Tracey MacDonald and Ann Papayoti

The post Grief, Gratitude, and Helping Children Navigate Divorce With Ann Papayoti appeared first on Divorce Dialogues.

Lisa Schuman

What You Need to Know About Family Building Via Surrogacy

As society evolves, the landscape of what a family looks like and who can be parents is changing, too. More and more single people, same-sex couples, transgender individuals and people with medical issues are building families by way of surrogacy or adoption. So, what do those of us who are considering surrogacy need to think about before we start the process?

Lisa Schuman is the licensed clinical social worker behind The Center for Family Building, an organization working to make the journey to parenthood easier. She also serves as the Director of Mental Health Services for Reproductive Medicine Associates of Connecticut and Gay Parents to Be. Lisa offers counseling for parents and children who formed their families through sperm and egg donation or adoption, and she recently testified as a surrogacy expert for the New York State Senate Judiciary Committee.

On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Lisa joins Katherine to discuss the pros and cons of New York’s new surrogacy law and explain why more and more people are using surrogacy to become parents. She describes the separate roles of the surrogate and the egg donor, offering insight on how intended parents decide whether to contribute their own genetic material and why it’s important that everyone involved knows what to expect. Listen in for Lisa’s advice on how to best support single people, gay male couples, transgender women and people with medical issues as they build families through surrogacy.

Topics Covered

Lisa’s take on the pros and cons of New York State’s new surrogacy law

Why more and more people are using surrogacy to become parents

The four categories of people who might use surrogacy to build a family

The process Lisa uses to make sure the intended parents, the surrogate and her partner (if she has one) know what to expect

The separate roles of the surrogate and the egg donor

How intended parents decide whether to use a sperm donor or contribute their own genetic material

Lisa’s insight on the psychological impact of a child being biologically related to one parent and not the other

The altruistic personality type of a typical surrogate

How to support single people, gay male couples, transgender women and people with medical issues who are building their families through surrogacy

Lisa’s advice on getting educated before you look for a surrogacy clinic

Connect with Lisa Schuman

The Center for Family Building

The Center for Family Building on Instagram

Email lisa@familybuilding.net

Connect with Katherine Miller

The Center for Understanding Conflict

Miller Law Group

Katherine on LinkedIn

The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller

Email katherine@miller-law.com

Call (914) 738-7765

Resources

Family Equality Council’s LGBTQ Family Building Survey

American Society for Reproductive Medicine

ASRM’s Surrogacy Resources

ASRM’s Recommendations for Practices Utilizing Gestational Carriers

New York’s New Surrogacy Law

The post What You Need to Know About Family Building Via Surrogacy with Lisa Schuman appeared first on Divorce Dialogues.

Sarah Armstrong

How to Have a Good Divorce

When our children are growing up, we cover the electrical outlets. We make sure they wear bike helmets and drink organic milk. We go out of our way to ensure that they are safe and healthy and happy. And yet, many parents fail to protect their kids from the toxicity of a high-conflict divorce. So, what can we do to set aside our feelings for our ex and make things better for our children?

Sarah Armstrong is the author of The Mom’s Guide to a Good Divorce: What to Think Through When Children Are Involved. Sarah began her career with Leo Burnett before joining the Coca-Cola Worldwide Media team in 1997. In 2017, she transitioned to a leading global management consulting firm where she serves as Partner. After her own marriage ended, Sarah became the go-to advisor for her divorcing friends and was inspired to write The Mom’s Guide… to share that wisdom with the world.

On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Sarah joins Katherine to discuss the responsibility we have to take co-parenting seriously and bring our kids up in the healthiest environment possible. She introduces us to the key components of a good divorce, offering insight on how to approach decision-making with your ex and compartmentalize your feelings to focus on what’s best for your children. Listen in for Sarah’s advice on how to course correct and end up with a good divorce—even if it didn’t start off that way.

Topics Covered

The experiences that inspired Sarah to write The Mom’s Guide to a Good Divorce

Sarah’s argument against the societal perception that you cannot have a good divorce

The potential to have a good divorce even if it’s one-sided

The responsibility we have to take co-parenting seriously and bring our kids up in the healthiest environment possible

The key components of a good divorce

Sarah’s advice on approaching your ex with one shift that will make things better for your children

How to minimize your child’s feeling that they are a professional traveler

The top two mistakes divorced couples make that adversely impact their children

Engaging your kids for help in creating new holiday traditions

Strengthening your compartmentalization muscle and taking care of yourself in this time of unexpected togetherness

How to course correct and end up with a good divorce (even if it didn’t start off that way)

Connect with Sarah Armstrong

Mom’s Guide to Good Divorce

Connect with Katherine Miller

The Center for Understanding Conflict

Miller Law Group

Katherine on LinkedIn

The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller

Email katherine@miller-law.com

Call (914) 738-7765

Resources

The Mom’s Guide to a Good Divorce: What to Think Through When Children Are Involved by Sarah Armstrong 

The post How to Have a Good Divorce with Sarah Armstrong appeared first on Divorce Dialogues.

Risa Garon

Helping Children Build Resilience Through Divorce

Though most divorcing couples intend to put the best interests of their children first, their own emotions get in the way. So, how can divorced parents learn to prioritize their children’s needs and create a trusting and constructive co-parenting relationship? How can they help their kids build resilience in the aftermath of divorce?

Risa Garon is the Co-founder and Executive Director of the National Family Resiliency Center (NFRC), an organization that provides counseling and educational programs to help children and adults cope, heal and navigate through divorce and other family transitions. Risa is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Family Life Educator with nearly 30 years of experience helping separating, and divorced couples develop parenting plans that focus on the developmental needs of the children involved.

On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Risa joins Katherine to explain why it’s challenging for divorcing parents to put the best interests of their children first. She walks us through the four components of NFRC’s child-focused decision-making model, discussing how she considers what both parents want—but prioritizes the child’s needs. Listen in for insight on dealing with high-conflict parents and get Risa’s advice on minimizing stress over the holidays after a divorce.

Topics Covered

Why it’s challenging for divorcing parents to put the best interests of their children first

The four components of NFRC’s child-focused decision-making model

Risa’s insight on how to deal with parents in a high-conflict divorce

How Risa considers what both parents want but prioritizes their children’s needs

Training mental health professionals, judicial officers, attorneys and mediators to mitigate conflict

Risa’s advice for minimizing stress over the holidays post-divorce

Successful examples of incorporating old holiday traditions with new ones after a divorce

Why Risa encourages divorced parents to chip in on one gift rather than buying presents separately

What grieving parents can do on holidays they spend without their kids

Connect with Risa Garon

National Family Resiliency Center

Call (410) 740-9553

Connect with Katherine Miller

The Center for Understanding Conflict

Miller Law Group

Katherine on LinkedIn

The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller

Email katherine@miller-law.com

Call (914) 738-7765

Resources

Books by Risa Garon

The post Helping Children Build Resilience Through Divorce with Risa Garon appeared first on Divorce Dialogues.

JoAnne Pedro-Carroll

How to Avoid Conflict & Coparent Well in Challenging Times

The Coronavirus has thrown us all for a loop, forcing us to take on multiple roles at once. Parents are struggling to work from home and homeschool our children at the same time, all while managing financial challenges and fears around the health and safety of the people we love. And divorced parents have the added pressure of coparenting in a time when our parenting plans just aren’t feasible. So, what can we do to avoid conflict with our ex and show up for our kids as the best possible version of ourselves?

Clinical psychologist Dr. JoAnne Pedro-Carroll is an internationally recognized expert in the field of children and divorce, appearing regularly as a keynote speaker at conferences around the globe. She has 35 years of clinical experience helping families navigate the transitions that accompany divorce and often serves as a child specialist in the collaborative law process. JoAnne is also the bestselling author of Putting Children First: Proven Parenting Strategies for Helping Children Thrive Through Divorce.

On this special edition of Divorce Dialogues, JoAnne joins Katherine to discuss the heightened stresses divorced parents are dealing with right now and encourage coparents who are struggling to reach out to a neutral third party. She explains why our brains tend toward fight, flight or freeze in circumstances like these and what we can do to respond rather than react—and be the kind of parent we really want to be. Listen in for JoAnne’s insight on seeing your ex as a respected colleague in the business of raising your children and learn how you can help your child build resilience and thrive through divorce AND quarantine.

Topics Covered

The stresses divorced parents are dealing with through COVID-19

• Emotions heightened in times of uncertainty
• Overwhelmed with managing multiple roles

What to do when one parent wants to follow the parenting plan but the other is fearful

Why it’s crucial to have a safe space for thinking through your options

The value of a neutral third party to facilitate problem-solving (e.g.: family counselor)

When our brains tend toward fight, flight or freeze + why that’s not optimal for collaboration

The relationship between self-care and our ability to be the kind of parent we want to be

Why asking for help is a sign of strength rather than weakness

Protecting your child’s health vs. trying to control your ex

Renegotiating your relationship with your ex as business partners in raising children

How conflict between parents adds to a child’s anxiety, fear and worry

The two most powerful predictors of a child’s resilience in divorce

1. Parents’ ability to contain conflict
2. Quality of parenting itself

Connect with JoAnne Pedro-Carroll

JoAnne’s Website

Connect with Katherine Miller

The Center for Understanding Conflict

Miller Law Group

Katherine on LinkedIn

The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller

Email katherine@miller-law.com

Call (914) 738-7765

Resources

Putting Children First: Proven Parenting Strategies for Helping Children Thrive Through Divorce by JoAnne Pedro-Carroll, PhD

JoAnne on Divorce Dialogues EP035

The post How to Avoid Conflict & Coparent Well in Challenging Times with JoAnne Pedro-Carroll appeared first on Divorce Dialogues.

Elyse Goldweber

How to Build a Parenting Plan That Work for Your Children

Among the most painful aspects of divorce is not being able to see our children for extended periods of time. And the holidays can be especially difficult. So, what do divorcing parents need to consider as we negotiate a parenting plan that works for everyone involved? What can we do to protect our kids through the process and design an agreement that is as fair as possible?

Elyse Golweber has 30-plus years of experience in the realm of matrimonial law, family law and the dissolution of business partnerships. She began her career as a trial attorney for the US Department of Justice and served as a lawyer for the SEC’s Division of Enforcement before founding Goldweber Epstein in 1995. Elyse currently serves on the Family Law Committee of the Women’s Bar Association and the Matrimonial Committee of the Association of the Bar of the City of New York.

On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Elyse joins Katherine to discuss the role of creativity in building a parenting plan specific to the family involved. She explains what it takes to make a 50/50 custody plan work and shares her approach to deciding where children will spend the holidays. Listen in for Elyse’s insight how the attorney for the child impacts divorce negotiations and learn what you can do to protect your kids through this challenging process.

Topics Covered

Building a creative parenting plan specific to the family involved

How the parenting agreement serves as the ‘default position’

How Elyse thinks about fairness in the context of parenting plans

When a 50/50 custody agreement is most appropriate + what makes a 50/50 plan work

The challenges of building a parenting plan when the kids don’t want to leave home

Why Elyse prefers 50/50 plans that divide the week over week on/week off plans

The benefits of working with a parent coordinator

The difficult adjustment divorcing parents face in not seeing their children for extended periods

The role of the attorney for the child and how they impact negotiations

Elyse’s approach to determining where kids will spend the holidays

What parents can do to protect their children through divorce negotiations

Elyse’s advice for parents struggling to give up their role as CEO of the family

Connect with Elyse Goldweber

(212) 355-4149

Connect with Katherine Miller

The Center for Understanding Conflict

Miller Law Group

Katherine on LinkedIn

The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller

Email katherine@miller-law.com

Call (914) 738-7765

The post How to Build a Parenting Plan That Work for Your Children with Elyse Goldweber appeared first on Divorce Dialogues.

Dr. Jeff Zimmerman

Preparing Your Kids for the Transition to Divorce

Conventional wisdom tells us that divorce has a negative influence on children. And yet, the research reveals that it’s the level of parental conflict that has the greatest adverse impact on kids—whether their parents stay married or not. So, how can we work WITH our ex to make the transition a little easier on our children?  What can we do to step up and be parents for our kids when they need us most?

Dr. Jeffrey Zimmerman is a licensed psychologist with more than 35 years of experience supporting individuals and families through the stress of separation and divorce. Dr. Zimmerman is trained as a mediator, parenting coordinator, and collaborative divorce professional, and he earned the Connecticut Psychological Association’s Distinguished Contribution to the Practice of Psychology Award for his work with high-conflict families of divorce. Dr. Zimmerman is also the coauthor of Adult Children of Divorce, The Co-Parenting Survival Guide, and Loving Your Children More Than You Hate Each Other.

On this episode of the podcast, Dr. Zimmerman joins Katherine to explain what parents can do to prepare their kids for divorce and explain the situation in an age-appropriate manner. He discusses the research around parental conflict as the greatest negative influence on kids, walking us through what parental conflict can look like and what parents can do to engage in cooperative coparenting. Listen in for Dr. Zimmerman’s insight on sharing your emotions with your children and learn how to separate your role as a spouse from your role as a parent to make the transition to divorce easier on your kids.

Topics Covered

Explaining divorce to your children in an age-appropriate manner

How divorce impacts the development of very young children

The research around parental conflict as the greatest negative influence on kids

What parental conflict looks like (e.g.: badmouthing, sarcasm, outright hostility, etc.)

What parents can do to engage in cooperative coparenting

Why teens and adult children have complicated reactions to divorce

Dr. Zimmerman’s advice on telling very young children about divorce

• Small doses of info in terms they understand
• Reassurance more important than schedule

Dr. Zimmerman’s insight on sharing your emotions with your children

Separating your role as a spouse from your role as a parent

Making the transition to divorce easier for kids through nesting

Connect with Dr. Jeff Zimmerman

Dr. Zimmerman’s Website

Books by Dr. Zimmerman

Call (914) 595-4040

Connect with Katherine Miller

The Center for Understanding Conflict

Miller Law Group

Katherine on LinkedIn

The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller

Email katherine@miller-law.com

Call (914) 738-7765

Resources

Adult Children of Divorce: How to Overcome the Legacy of Your Parents’ Break-up and Enjoy Love, Trust, and Intimacy by Elizabeth Thayer and Jeffrey Zimmerman

The Co-Parenting Survival Guide: Letting Go of Conflict After a Difficult Divorce by Elizabeth Thayer and Jeffrey Zimmerman

Loving Your Children More Than You Hate Each Other: Powerful Tools for Navigating a High-Conflict Divorce by Lauren J. Behrman and Jeffrey Zimmerman

The post Preparing Your Kids for the Transition to Divorce with Dr. Jeff Zimmerman appeared first on Divorce Dialogues.

Tommy Maloney

Connecting with Your Kids as a Divorced Dad

Divorce is difficult enough, but it’s particularly tough when you feel like you’re losing your kids. How can you maintain the connection with your children when your time with them is limited? How do you make memories whether or not you live in the same household?

Tommy Maloney is the cofounder of Blending the Family, a platform dedicated to helping divorced parents navigate dating and remarriage. He is also the author of 25 Tips for Divorced Dads and the host of the Blending the Family Podcast. A well-known speaker and parenting coach, Tommy is on a mission to provide resources for divorced dads and help them realize it’s okay to ask for help.

On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Tommy joins Katherine to share the experience of his own divorce and offer advice around cherishing the time you have with your kids. He explains why men have a difficult time asking for help and why it’s crucial to review your parenting agreement with a professional before you sign. Listen in to understand Danny’s mission around showcasing positive examples of fatherhood and learn how to stay connected with your kids, even if you don’t live with them anymore.

Topics Covered

Tommy’s take on the lack of resources for divorced dads

How Tommy’s divorce informs his current coaching work

Why asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness

Why men have a hard time admitting they’re struggling

Reviewing your parenting agreement with a professional

Tommy’s regrets re: taking time with his son for granted

Staying connected with your kids after you move out

The themes of Tommy’s book My Dad’s Advice at 5:04AM

The value in showcasing positive examples of fatherhood

How to respond if your ex-spouse criticizes your parenting

Connect with Tommy Maloney

Blending the Family

Blending the Family Podcast

Connect with Katherine Miller

The Center for Understanding Conflict

Miller Law Group

Katherine on LinkedIn

The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller

Email katherine@miller-law.com

Call (914) 738-7765

Resources

25 Tips for Divorced Dads: How to Create Special Memories and Grow Your Bonds with Your Children by Tommy Maloney

Why Not You, Why Not Me? by Tommy Maloney

Tommy’s TEDx Talk: My Dad’s Advice at 5:04AM

Simon Sinek

The post Connecting with Your Kids as a Divorced Dad with Tommy Maloney appeared first on Divorce Dialogues.

Julie Ross

Co-Parenting to Protect Your Children During Divorce

If your child comes home complaining about your ex-spouse, it can be incredibly difficult not to react. You want to intervene, to defend your child. And your instinct is to address the issue with the other parent right away. But what if that puts your child in the middle—one of the very things you’ve been trying to avoid? How can you learn to take a step back and decide whether that problem really belongs to you? What is the best way to navigate co-parenting and protect your children during a divorce?

Julie Ross is the Executive Director of Parenting Horizons, a platform created to enrich children’s lives through parent and teacher education. She leads parenting workshops and delivers keynotes across the US, and her work has been featured in Working Mother, Good Housekeeping and Real Simple, among many other national publications. Julie has also appeared on The Daily Show, The Today Show and NPR: Weekend America, and she is the author of Joint Custody with a Jerk: Raising a Child with an Uncooperative Ex.

Today, Julie joins Katherine to explain how divorcing couples can still work as a team when it comes to co-parenting and share the benefit of having regular ‘staff meetings’ around the parenting plan. She describes the conflict of loyalty kids experience when parents disagree, offering insight around how to avoid putting your children in the middle. Julie also discusses how to avoid reacting when your child complains about your ex and addresses the difference between keeping something private versus keeping a secret from your child. Listen in to understand why it’s never a good idea to make your child the messenger between you and your ex and learn how to best protect your child in the divorce process.

Topics Covered

What drew Julie to the idea of working with parents

Working as a parenting team despite the end of a marriage

The conflict of loyalty kids experience when parents disagree

Why Julie suggests regular ‘staff meetings’ for co-parents

The value of including kids in individual family meetings

How to keep from putting your kids in the middle

• Who does this problem belong to?
• Empower child to resolve conflict

Using the Box Step of Communication to be proactive

How to avoid reacting when your child complains about your ex

• Zip your lip
• Script response + don’t vary

Julie’s top advice on protecting your children in divorce

1. Don’t keep secrets from child
2. Don’t ask child to keep secrets for you
3. Don’t make child messenger

The distinction between keeping something private vs. a secret

The danger in parentifying your child

Connect with Julie Ross

Parenting Horizons

Call (212) 765-2377

Connect with Katherine Miller

The Center for Understanding Conflict

Miller Law Group

Katherine on LinkedIn

The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller

Email katherine@miller-law.com

Call (914) 738-7765

Resources

Joint Custody with a Jerk: Raising a Child with an Uncooperative Ex-, A Hands-on, Practical Guide to Communicating with a Difficult Ex-Spouse by Julie A. Ross and Judy Corcoran

The post Co-Parenting to Protect Your Children During Divorce with Julie Ross appeared first on Divorce Dialogues.

Barbara Rothberg

Helping Teens Cope with Divorce & Adapt to Blended Families

Divorce is never easy on the kids involved, but the process can be particularly fraught for teenagers. How does divorce impact teens differently than younger children? What is the best way to customize a parenting plan for teens? And how can you support teens in adapting to a new, blended family?

Barbara Rothberg, DSW, LCSW, has 35-plus years of experience helping clients resolve conflicts and navigate transitions in their lives. In her role as a divorce coach and child specialist, Barbara helps families customize solutions that emphasize the best interest of the child. She often serves as a mediator or family specialist in the collaborative divorce setting, and Barbara’s work as a parent coordinator allows her to support separated parents in becoming good co-parents to their children.

Today, Barbara joins Katherine to explain how divorce impacts a teen’s growing autonomy and offers insight around designing a parenting plan for older children. She describes how teens think about blended families, discussing why it’s important to give them the freedom not to like a parent’s new partner—as long as they’re respectful. Listen in for Barbara’s advice on being up front with your teens and learn why she advocates for making your child a priority, regardless of their age when you divorce.

Topics Covered

How divorce impacts a teen’s growing autonomy

Barbara’s definition of what it means to be a teen

Why Barbara cautions against hiding divorce from kids

The best way to tell your kids you are divorcing

1. Share with all children at same time
2. Don’t give false reassurances

Why Barbara suggests week-long timesharing for teens

The value in giving teens input on the parenting plan

How to handle teens who don’t want to see a parent

Creating a parenting plan based on the family’s needs

How incremental engaging helps teens adapt to stepparents

Giving teens the freedom not to like a stepparent

Barbara’s insight on spending alone-time with your teen

How to approach a blended family with stepsiblings

Barbara’s advice for divorcing parents with teens

• Don’t get in power struggle
• Do things slowly
• Make children priority

Connect with Barbara Rothberg

Barbara’s Website

Connect with Katherine Miller

The Center for Understanding Conflict

Miller Law Group

Katherine on LinkedIn

The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller

Email katherine@miller-law.com

Call (914) 738-7765

The post Helping Teens Cope with Divorce & Adapt to Blended Families with Barbara Rothberg appeared first on Divorce Dialogues.