Letting Go – Divorce Dialogues https://divorcedialogues.com A Podcast on Collaborative Divorce Wed, 11 May 2022 22:27:17 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=5.9.3 https://divorcedialogues.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/cropped-DivorceDialogues-Diamond-Favicon-1-32x32.png Letting Go – Divorce Dialogues https://divorcedialogues.com 32 32 When to Let Go & Go Through with Divorce with Dr. Frederick Tiesenga https://divorcedialogues.com/when-to-let-go-go-through-with-divorce-with-dr-frederick-tiesenga/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=when-to-let-go-go-through-with-divorce-with-dr-frederick-tiesenga https://divorcedialogues.com/when-to-let-go-go-through-with-divorce-with-dr-frederick-tiesenga/#respond Wed, 15 Apr 2020 01:00:44 +0000 https://divorcedialogues.com/?p=927 EP: 123 Dr. Frederick Tiesenga  When to Let Go & Go Through with Divorce KatherineMiller · When to Let Go & Go Through with Divorce with Dr. Frederick Tiesenga Multiple songs have been written about the futility of trying to make someone love you. But if that someone is your spouse, you may spend years […]

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Dr. Frederick Tiesenga 

When to Let Go & Go Through with Divorce


Multiple songs have been written about the futility of trying to make someone love you. But if that someone is your spouse, you may spend years (and a lot of money) in the attempt. So, how do you know when it’s time to let go and go through with a divorce?

Dr. Frederick Tiesenga is an award-winning, board certified bariatric surgeon dedicated to helping people achieve a healthier lifestyle. He is also the author of I Do Until I Don’t: A Surgeon’s Story of Divorce and Healing, a collection of his experiences through marriage and divorce. In the book, Dr. Tiesenga gets real about what a healthy marriage should look like and shares his hard-earned insights into divorce.

On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Dr. Tiesenga joins Katherine to share the story of his own contentious divorce, describing what he did to try and save the marriage—and why it didn’t work. He offers his take on why a prenuptial agreement is a necessity and discusses what couples can do to communicate their needs before it’s too late. Listen in to understand what Dr. Tiesenga did to heal and move on from his divorce and get his advice on hiring a divorce attorney who will advocate for you!

Topics Covered

What inspired Dr. Tiesenga to write I Do Until I Don’t

What Dr. Tiesenga learned from trying to save his marriage

  • Don’t force your partner into counseling
  • Can’t buy things to make spouse like you

Dr. Tiesenga’s tips for navigating a contentious divorce

  • File counter-petition (no matter what)
  • Don’t spend money unless ordered by judge
  • Leave courthouse as quickly as possible
  • Ask for trial date asap, first deal = best deal

Why couples wait too long to go to marriage counseling

Why Dr. Tiesenga advocates for getting a prenup

How focusing on his career helped Dr. Tiesenga start to heal

Discussing expectations as couples negotiate a prenup

Dr. Tiesenga’s advice for choosing a divorce lawyer

Connect with Dr. Frederick TiesengaDivorce

Dr. Tiesenga’s Website

Connect with Katherine Miller

The Center for Understanding Conflict

Miller Law Group

Katherine on LinkedIn

The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller

Email katherine@miller-law.com

Call (914) 738-7765

Resources

I Do Until I Don’t: A Surgeon’s Story of Divorce and Healing by Frederick M. Tiesenga, M.D.

Divorce Busting: A Step-by-Step Approach to Making Your Marriage Loving Again by Michele Weiner-Davis

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]]> https://divorcedialogues.com/when-to-let-go-go-through-with-divorce-with-dr-frederick-tiesenga/feed/ 0 Putting Your Divorce on Pause with Terry Real https://divorcedialogues.com/putting-your-divorce-on-pause/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=putting-your-divorce-on-pause https://divorcedialogues.com/putting-your-divorce-on-pause/#respond Thu, 30 Mar 2017 01:00:52 +0000 http://dev.divorcedialogues.com/?p=264 EP: 044 Terry Real Putting Your Divorce on Pause “It’s never too late. Put the divorce on pause, find a really strong, good therapist who knows what they’re doing, and give it a few months before you pull the plug.” Terry Real is a renown family therapist and the bestselling author of I Don’t Want […]

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Terry Real

Putting Your Divorce on Pause



“It’s never too late. Put the divorce on pause, find a really strong, good therapist who knows what they’re doing, and give it a few months before you pull the plug.”

Terry Real is a renown family therapist and the bestselling author of I Don’t Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression and How Can I Get Through to You?: Reconnecting Men and Women. Terry is the founder of the Relational Empowerment Institute, and his work has been featured on NBC Nightly News, Today, and Oprah, as well as in The New York Times, Psychology Today, and numerous academic publications. He is known for his ground-breaking work in helping transform couples on the brink of divorce.

Today, Terry joins Katherine to discuss the role of grieving your marriage in the process of letting go and the silver lining of learning that can come from the divorce process. He shares his approach to working with couples on ‘marital death’s door,’ explaining how he leverages the Relationship Intervention to get couples back on track. Listen in to find out why Terry thinks you should press the pause button and seek out emergency couples therapy before you move forward with divorce.

Topics Covered

The challenge around feeling the pain of divorce without acting it out

The pivotal role of grieving in the process of letting go

How to view divorce as a potential growth experience

  • Understand your part in what went wrong
  • Realign with core values

How the Relationship Intervention helps couples get back on track

Terry’s approach to working with couples on ‘marital death’s door’

  • Take sides, tell the truth
  • Create treatment program

The value of having a therapist that acts as a coach rather than a cheerleader

Why couples don’t seek help before they are in dire straits

Terry’s take that no matter how bad a marriage is, there is always hope

The four methods of decision-making in the divorce process

  • DIY
  • Traditional litigation model
  • Mediation
  • Collaborative law

Connect with Terry Real

Terry’s Website

Books by Terry Real

Resources

Crazy Time: Surviving Divorce and Building a New Life by Abigail Trafford

‘How to Not Hate Your Husband’ in The Times

Relationship Inventory Quiz

I Don’t Want to Talk About It by Terry Real

Connect with Katherine Miller

The Center for Understanding Conflict
Miller Law Group
Katherine on LinkedIn

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