Linda Schoonover Carley

Empowering Divorcing Couples to Communicate Through Mediation

The heightened emotions that come with divorce often lead to impulsive action. The brain shuts down and couples jump into litigation without considering the consequences—or the alternatives. But the court system takes their power away and hands all of the decisions over to a judge, and at the end of the day, everybody loses. How can we reestablish communication between these couples, empowering them to make decisions on their own?

Linda Schoonover Carley is a former family, dependency and juvenile judge with more than thirty years of experience as a judge, attorney and mediator. She is also the author of Divorce Made Simple, a no-nonsense guide that demonstrates her practical, holistic approach to avoiding the chaos of the court system. An Amazon Best Selling author and award-winning speaker, Linda uses storytelling to illustrate her passion for children and justice.

Today, Linda joins Katherine to discuss how couples make impulsive decisions around divorce without a clear understanding of the consequences. She explains the danger in shutting down communication and offers her approach to teaching couples to communicate again. Linda speaks to the mediation process, describing how it empowers people to make decisions themselves and how to prepare for the mediation process. Listen in to understand why litigation makes couples lose sight of what’s important and learn to leverage alternatives like mediation and collaborative divorce.

Topics Covered

How couples make impulsive decisions around divorce based on emotion

The natural instinct to shut down communication in the divorce process

How shutting down communication escalates turmoil for the children

Linda’s approach to teaching couples to communicate again

Why couples lose sight of what’s important during the litigation process

How mediation starts with the practice of finding agreement

How the parents’ relationship impacts a child’s idea of conflict resolution

How mediation empowers people to make decisions themselves

How to prepare for the mediation process

• Issues had during marriage will show up in mediation
• Make list of issues, rank in order of importance
• Come in with an understanding of financial needs

How children can serve as an anchor for the mediation process

The fundamentals of time sharing or shared parental responsibility

The difference between child support and alimony

Connect with Linda Schoonover Carley

Linda’s Website

Divorce Made Simple

Divorce Made Simple on Facebook

Resources

Divorce Made Simple: The Ultimate Guide by a Former Family Judge by Linda D. Schoonover

Connect with Katherine Miller

The Center for Understanding Conflict

Miller Law Group

Katherine on LinkedIn

The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller

Email katherine@miller-law.com

Call (914) 738-7765

The post Empowering Divorcing Couples to Communicate Through Mediation with Linda Schoonover Carley appeared first on Divorce Dialogues.

Barry Berkman

Pioneering Collaborative Divorce in New York

After 15 years of trying divorce cases in the courts, Barry Berkman had come to realize that ‘nobody ever won a divorce case.’ Litigation comes with a high price tag in the form of expense and the toxic effect on everyone involved, especially the children. So he started looking for a better way.

At a mediation training in California in the mid-1990’s, Barry was inspired by stories of matrimonial lawyers using the collaborative process who hadn’t been to court in years. He returned to New York and started the state’s first collaborative practice. Today, Barry is a founding partner at Berkman Bottger Newman & Rodd, where he continues to specialize in matrimonial law and mediation. Barry teaches mediation at the Center for Mediation in Law, and he has been named among the Best Lawyers in America for eight years running.

On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Barry joins Katherine to explain his role in bringing collaborative divorce to New York. He shares the advantages of collaborative law over mediation as well as the traditional litigation model. Barry speaks to the necessary shift in thinking for couples pursuing the collaborative process, discussing the role the lawyer plays in modeling a spirit of cooperation. Listen in for Barry’s insight on addressing mistrust through the collaborative divorce process and bringing in non-lawyers for additional support.

Topics Covered

• Barry’s role in bringing collaborative divorce to New York
• The advantages of collaborative law over mediation
• How the collaborative process differs from traditional litigation
• The shift in thinking from win/lose to solving a common problem
• The exorbitant legal fees associated with a litigious divorce
• The unpredictable interpretation of equitable distribution
• How to address mistrust in the collaborative process
  • ‘Let the documents decide’
  • Experts to verify numbers
• Why litigation provides a false sense of protection
• How the collaborative process facilitates openness
• The collaborative lawyer’s role in modeling cooperation
• The non-lawyers who support the collaborative process
  • Child specialist, parent coordinator
  • Finance professionals

Connect with Barry Berkman

Barry’s Website
Phone 212-867-9123

Resources

Stu Webb on Divorce Dialogues
Hon. Sondra Miller on Divorce Dialogues

Connect with Katherine Miller

The Center for Understanding Conflict
Miller Law Group
Katherine on LinkedIn

The post Pioneering Collaborative Divorce in New York with Barry Berkman appeared first on Divorce Dialogues.

Sarah Hechtman

Process Choice: The How of Divorce Settlement

Once you’ve decided on divorce, the next step is to determine how you and your former partner will come to a resolution. Given that 97% of divorces in New York settle before a judge gets involved, it is in your best interests to explore the full spectrum of options and make an informed decision based on your particular circumstances. This is called process choice.

Sarah Hechtman is a trained collaborative lawyer and family mediator. Before practicing family law, Sarah worked as a civil rights lawyer, prosecuting class action cases on behalf of children through Children’s Rights and Advocates for Children of New York. She also served as an Assistant District Attorney in the New York County DA’s Office where she was a member of the Domestic Violence and Sex Crimes Unit. Sarah made the transition to family law in 2006, and since then she has handled complex divorce cases involving substantial financial assets as well as highly contested child custody cases. Sarah’s interest in the welfare of children coupled with her experience as a litigator led her to a commitment in helping clients resolve their family disputes outside the court system.

Today, Sarah joins Katherine to share the definition of process choice, discussing the full spectrum of options divorcing couples have regarding how they will settle. She explains the mediation model, walking us through the value a mediator adds as a neutral third-party. Sarah also speaks to collaborative law, describing the professionals who may be included in the process. Listen in for Sarah’s insight around the myth of ‘having your day in court’ and how collaborative law enables the parties involved to craft their own resolution.

Topics Covered

The definition of process choice

The full spectrum of paths to settlement

How the ‘kitchen table’ template works without representation

The value a mediator adds to the settlement process

• Big picture view
• Creative solutions
• Neutral third-party

Who is involved in three-way and five-way mediation meetings

The collaborative law model

The role of a divorce coach

The myth around having your ‘day in court’

The concept of attribution error

How collaborative law enables the parties involved to craft their own solution

The circumstances under which litigation may be appropriate

• Domestic violence
• Safety of child at risk
• Need discipline of court

Why the most highly contested cases involve mental illness

How the court system is designed to address the worst possible circumstances

• Wasteful dissipation of assets exemplar

Connect with Sarah Hechtman

Sarah at Miller Law Group

Sarah on LinkedIn

Connect with Katherine Miller

The Center for Understanding Conflict
Miller Law Group
Katherine on LinkedIn

The post Process Choice: The How of Divorce Settlement with Sarah Hechtman appeared first on Divorce Dialogues.

David Favre

Evolving Laws Around Companion Animals and Divorce

Pets are family. As a growing number of people form emotional attachments with their animals, the divorce process is further complicated by decisions around who gets to keep the pets. What can people do to look out for the best interests of the animal involved? What does the law say?

Professor David Favre practiced law in Virginia prior to joining the Michigan State University Law College faculty in 1976. An expert in animal law, David has written several articles and books dealing with issues like animal cruelty, wildlife law, the use of animals in scientific research and international control of animal trade. He is a national officer of the Animal Legal Defense Fund and the ABA Committee on Animal Law, and David teaches Property, International Environmental Law, Wildlife Law and Animal Law at MSU.

Today, David joins Katherine to explain the many facets of animal law and how it has evolved in the US over the last 150 years. He shares his take on animals as ‘living property’ and walks us through the legal process of creating a trust to provide for our pets. David speaks to decision-making about pets in the divorce process, offering insight around the emotionally changed nature of those discussions and why joint agreements are preferable to litigation. Listen in to understand the evolution of the law when it comes to animals and divorce—and learn how Alaska is at the forefront of legislation based on the best interests of the animal.

Topics Covered

The many aspects of animal law

How animal law in the US has changed in the last 150 years

The popularity and acceptance of companion animals

The creation of trusts for animals in the 1990’s

David’s take on the idea of animals as ‘living property’

• Human has legal control
• Animal has status above property

How animals become a proxy for negative circumstances between people

Making decisions about where the pet is placed after divorce

• Emotional attachment, comfort and support
• Financial well-being, best quality of life

Why David recommends joint agreements over litigation

The emotional nature of mediations involving pets

The evolution of laws around pets and divorce

• Alaska first to give judge authority
• Placement based on best interest of animal

David’s advice around providing for your animal through a trust

Connect with David Favre

David’s Faculty Profile

Resources

Books by David Favre

Connect with Katherine Miller

The Center for Understanding Conflict
Miller Law Group
Katherine on LinkedIn

The post Evolving Laws Around Companion Animals and Divorce with David Favre appeared first on Divorce Dialogues.

Barbara

A Case Study in Mediation and Litigation

You may have guessed that the tone of the mediation process is very different from that of litigation, but you may or may not realize that a couple can makes use of more than one process choice during the course of a divorce. Barbara and her ex-husband, Alan, used a mediator to design a parenting plan, and the process was both cost-effective and peaceful. But when it came time to deal with the unraveling of their financial lives, the tone shifted.

Barbara had left her job in social work 13 years prior to stay home and care for their children, one of whom suffered from a life-threatening disease before his passing at the age of seven. Alan worked long and hard to cultivate a successful career on Wall Street.  As a result, Alan deferred to Barbara on much of the decision-making around parenting, while he took responsibility for the management of their finances. Their views of each other’s contribution to the economic partnership were very different, and the division of their assets became a point of contention. Mediation was no longer an option.

Today, Barbara joins Katherine to explain how she and Alan began the process with mediation and why crafting a parenting plan was the easiest part of their divorce. She discusses how differing world views led to clearly defined roles during their marriage and tension around the equitable distribution of assets during their divorce. Barbara speaks to the challenge in understanding your partner’s contribution to the economic partnership of a marriage and how the definition of ‘equitable distribution’ continues to evolve. Listen in for Barbara’s insight on how communication works in mediation, collaboration and litigation and learn how she navigated a divorce involving more than one process choice.

Topics Covered

How Barbara and Alan’s differing world views affected their divorce

Barbara and Alan’s clearly defined roles during their marriage

How the couple designed a parenting plan through mediation

Why crafting a parenting plan was the easiest part of their divorce

How the definition of ‘equitable distribution’ continues to evolve

Why Barbara and Alan left mediation prior to a full resolution

Barbara’s take on communication in process choice

• Communicate with third party present in mediation
• Supervised communication in case of collaboration
• Communication done for you in litigation

How a commencement of action set the tone for their division of assets

What is involved in the equitable distribution of assets during a divorce

Barbara and Alan’s differing views of their contributions to the economic partnership

The need for a signed participation agreement to initiate the collaborative process

Why Alan was willing to risk the associated legal fees for a greater share of their assets

Connect with Katherine Miller

The Center for Understanding Conflict

Miller Law Group

Katherine on LinkedIn

The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller

Email katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com

Call (914) 738-7765

The post A Case Study in Mediation and Litigation appeared first on Divorce Dialogues.

Melissa Goodstein

Divorce Through Mediation, Collaboration or Litigation?

Process choice can be tricky. Most of us would like to avoid the courtroom if at all possible, but how do mediation and collaboration work? How do you determine which divorce model is right for your circumstances? And when is it appropriate to choose litigation?

Melissa Goodstein has extensive experience in both mediation and the collaborative divorce process. She has been practicing mediation since 1993, and she received her training in the collaborative model in 2003. Her practice is located in Katonah, New York. Melissa serves on the New York State Council of Divorce Mediation, the Greater New York Council of Family and Divorce, the New York Association of Collaborative Professionals as well as the International Association of Collaborative Professionals.

Today, Melissa joins Katherine to discuss the roles comfort and willingness play in determining which process choice is the right fit. She walks us through the mediation process, explaining the confidential nature of this method and the necessity for both divorcing partners to feel comfortable speaking their truth. Melissa addresses how the collaborative divorce process differs and why each party has an attorney-advocate to help communicate their values and employ creative problem-solving to reach an agreement. Listen in to find out which cases are appropriate for the litigation model and learn when mediation or the collaborative process might be more fitting.

Topics Covered

How process choice is based on the couple’s comfort and willingness

Why participants have more control outside the courtroom setting

What the mediation process looks like

• Mediator serves as neutral to guide conversation
• Only three people in room (typically)

How the mediation process is shielded from the public eye

How the collaborative divorce process differs from mediation

• Based on same principles
• Each party has attorney-advocate

The lawyer’s role in helping collaborative clients communicate values

The value in agreeing to reach a settlement without litigation

Melissa’s insight on collaborative law as a service profession

How the collaborative process allows for creative problem-solving

The cases that are appropriate for the litigation model

• Domestic violence
• Non-disclosure of assets
• Refusal to cooperate

Connect with Melissa Goodstein

Melissa’s Website

Phone (914) 767-0438

Connect with Katherine Miller

The Center for Understanding Conflict

Miller Law Group

Katherine on LinkedIn

The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller

Email katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com

Call (914) 738-7765

The post Divorce Through Mediation, Collaboration or Litigation? – with Melissa Goodstein appeared first on Divorce Dialogues.