marriage – Divorce Dialogues

Is Your Marriage Beyond Saving? with Kira Gould

Katherine Miller — Fri, 18 Dec 2020 19:22:25 +0000

EP: 140

Kira Gould

Is Your Marriage Beyond Saving?

Divorce Dialogues · Is Your Marriage Beyond Saving? with Kira Gould

The COVID pandemic has put extra pressure on even the healthiest marriages. And for couples who were already struggling, sheltering in place together has exacerbated our issues. But how do you know if it’s bad enough to call it quits?

Kira Gould is a Certified Divorce Coach and Real Estate Divorce Specialist dedicated to transforming the divorce process from an adversarial knock-down-drag-out to an intention-driven, family-focused journey in personal evolution. She is also the Founder of Getting Unmarried, a coaching platform that helps clients move on with clarity, compassion and positive intention.

On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Kira joins Katherine to discuss the signs that a marriage is beyond saving, challenging us to ask, ‘Do I have anything left to give this relationship?’ She describes the early warning signs that a couple should get help, explaining how little annoyances can escalate into a battle of ill wills and why vulnerability is a crucial component of healthy communication. Listen in for insight on the physical and emotional displacement of moving when a marriage ends and learn how a real estate divorce expert can help you find a sense of comfort and joy in your new space.

Topics Covered

How to recognize when your marriage is beyond saving

The connection between physical and emotional intimacy

The early warning signs that you and your partner should get help (before it’s too late)

Learning to communicate effectively with your spouse

The power in asking, ‘Do I have anything left to give this relationship?’

How little annoyances can escalate into a battle of ill wills

Why vulnerability is crucial to healthy communication

Showing up in a way that encourages open dialogue vs. letting your anger build

Treating your partner with kindness + being present to their bids for attention

Kira’s insight on the physical and emotional displacement of moving due to divorce

Finding a sense of joy and comfort in being in a new space

Kira’s ideas for how to honor the home you shared

Connect with Kira Gould

Getting Unmarried

Connect with Katherine Miller

The Center for Understanding Conflict

Miller Law Group

Katherine on LinkedIn

The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller

Email katherine@miller-law.com

Call (914) 738-7765

Resources

Books by John Gottman

Snapfish

Shutterfly

The post Is Your Marriage Beyond Saving? with Kira Gould appeared first on Divorce Dialogues.

When to Let Go & Go Through with Divorce with Dr. Frederick Tiesenga

Katherine Miller — Wed, 15 Apr 2020 01:00:44 +0000

EP: 123

Dr. Frederick Tiesenga

When to Let Go & Go Through with Divorce

KatherineMiller · When to Let Go & Go Through with Divorce with Dr. Frederick Tiesenga

Multiple songs have been written about the futility of trying to make someone love you. But if that someone is your spouse, you may spend years (and a lot of money) in the attempt. So, how do you know when it’s time to let go and go through with a divorce?

Dr. Frederick Tiesenga is an award-winning, board certified bariatric surgeon dedicated to helping people achieve a healthier lifestyle. He is also the author of I Do Until I Don’t: A Surgeon’s Story of Divorce and Healing, a collection of his experiences through marriage and divorce. In the book, Dr. Tiesenga gets real about what a healthy marriage should look like and shares his hard-earned insights into divorce.

On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Dr. Tiesenga joins Katherine to share the story of his own contentious divorce, describing what he did to try and save the marriage—and why it didn’t work. He offers his take on why a prenuptial agreement is a necessity and discusses what couples can do to communicate their needs before it’s too late. Listen in to understand what Dr. Tiesenga did to heal and move on from his divorce and get his advice on hiring a divorce attorney who will advocate for you!

Topics Covered

What inspired Dr. Tiesenga to write I Do Until I Don’t

What Dr. Tiesenga learned from trying to save his marriage

Don’t force your partner into counseling
Can’t buy things to make spouse like you

Dr. Tiesenga’s tips for navigating a contentious divorce

File counter-petition (no matter what)
Don’t spend money unless ordered by judge
Leave courthouse as quickly as possible
Ask for trial date asap, first deal = best deal

Why couples wait too long to go to marriage counseling

Why Dr. Tiesenga advocates for getting a prenup

How focusing on his career helped Dr. Tiesenga start to heal

Discussing expectations as couples negotiate a prenup

Dr. Tiesenga’s advice for choosing a divorce lawyer

Connect with Dr. Frederick TiesengaDivorce

Dr. Tiesenga’s Website

Connect with Katherine Miller

The Center for Understanding Conflict

Miller Law Group

Katherine on LinkedIn

The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller

Email katherine@miller-law.com

Call (914) 738-7765

Resources

I Do Until I Don’t: A Surgeon’s Story of Divorce and Healing by Frederick M. Tiesenga, M.D.

Divorce Busting: A Step-by-Step Approach to Making Your Marriage Loving Again by Michele Weiner-Davis

The post When to Let Go & Go Through with Divorce with Dr. Frederick Tiesenga appeared first on Divorce Dialogues.

Telling the Story of Your Divorce with Steve Friedman

Katherine Miller — Wed, 06 Mar 2019 01:00:19 +0000

EP: 094

Steve Friedman

Telling the Story of Your Divorce

In the midst of difficult life transitions like divorce, it is human nature to reach extreme, self-defeating conclusions: I’m incapable of love! All men are sociopaths! The world is unspeakably cruel! How can we take a closer look at what happened in our relationship and expand the narrative to something a little more nuanced, a little more balanced, a little closer to the truth? One strategy that works is to tell the story of your divorce in writing.

Steve Friedman is the award-winning author of seven books, and his essays on relationships have appeared in anthologies like Modern Love and The Bastard on the Couch. Steve’s work has appeared in a number of national publications, including Esquire, GQ and The Washington Post, and he was the writer of the first Modern Love column in The New York Times. Steve teaches the popular writing course Divorce, Breakups and New Beginnings: Telling Your Story through the organization UNtied.

Today, Steve joins Katherine to discuss how writing helps people make difficult life transitions. He explains how the demands of storytelling impose order in a chaotic world and afford us a more nuanced perspective of divorce. Steve also shares the value of exploring separation in the context of a writing workshop and walks us through some of the exercises he uses to examine a story from different perspectives. Listen in for insight around what Steve has learned about love through teaching and writing about relationships and learn how telling the story of your divorce can help you move forward!