mindfulness – Divorce Dialogues

Leveraging Self-Compassion to Cope with Divorce With Dr. Kristin Neff

Katherine Miller — Fri, 17 Dec 2021 19:53:39 +0000

EP: 166

Dr. Kristin Neff

Leveraging Self-Compassion to Cope with Divorce

Divorce Dialogues · Leveraging Self-Compassion to Cope with Divorce With Dr. Kristin Neff

Self-criticism is a natural response to divorce. But it’s not particularly helpful.

In fact, it’s harder to learn from a place of shame and judgement, whereas self-compassion helps us cope more effectively and make better choices moving forward.

A pioneer in the field of self-compassion research, Dr. Kristin Neff currently serves as Associate Professor of Educational Psychology at the University of Texas at Austin. She is the author of the bestselling book Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself and coauthor of The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook: A Proven Way to Accept Yourself, Build Inner Strength and Thrive. Dr. Neff’s new release is Fierce Self-Compassion: How Women Can Harness Kindness to Speak Up, Claim Their Power and Thrive.

On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Dr. Neff joins Katherine to explain how self-compassion helps us navigate painful experiences like divorce. She walks us through the three components of self-compassion, describing how the practice allows us to cope with the hurt and take responsibility for our mistakes. Listen in as Dr. Neff shares what she learned about self-compassion in her own divorce and learn to treat yourself with kindness and improve your wellbeing in the process of divorce.

Topics Covered

The 3 components of self-compassion (mindfulness, self-kindness and common humanity)

Why people who are self-compassionate about divorce cope more effectively than those who beat themselves up

How self-compassion helps us take personal responsibility for our mistakes

How mindfulness allows us to acknowledge the pain of divorce without getting lost in it

The power in realizing that challenging relationships are part of being human

Giving yourself honest, constructive feedback around how to make wiser choices moving forward

What Dr. Neff learned about herself and self-compassion in her own divorce

How self-compassion can help divorced parents navigate the holidays

How being compassionate to ourselves gives us the resources to be more compassionate to others

How self-kindness activates the parasympathetic nervous system and improves decision-making

Connect with Dr. Kristin Neff

Self-Compassion

Dr. Neff on Facebook

Dr. Neff on Twitter

Connect with Katherine Miller

The Center for Understanding in Conflict

Miller Law Group

Katherine on LinkedIn

The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller

Email katherine@miller-law.com

Call (914) 862-7487

Resources

Take the Self-Compassion Test

Self-Compassion Guided Practices

Center for Mindful Self-Compassion

Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself by Dr. Kristin Neff

The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook: A Proven Way to Accept Yourself, Build Inner Strength and Thrive by Dr. Kristin Neff and Dr. Christopher Germer

Fierce Self-Compassion: How Women Can Harness Kindness to Speak Up, Claim Their Power and Thrive by Dr. Kristin Neff

The post Leveraging Self-Compassion to Cope with Divorce With Dr. Kristin Neff appeared first on Divorce Dialogues.

Reduce the Stress of Divorce with Mindfulness with Dr. Crystal Moore

Katherine Miller — Fri, 06 Nov 2020 06:00:56 +0000

EP: 137

Dr. Crystal Moore

Reduce the Stress of Divorce with Mindfulness

Divorce Dialogues · Reduce the Stress of Divorce with Mindfulness with Dr. Crystal Moore

Divorce is stressful. But there are things we can do to mitigate that stress and avoid the conflict that comes when our emotions get the best of us. In fact, implementing just one or two simple mindfulness techniques can go a long way in helping us get out of our heads and re-center—without having to master Lotus Pose.

Dr. Crystal Dea Moore is a Professor of Social Work at Skidmore College and the coauthor of The Divorce Recovery Workbook: How to Heal from Anger, Hurt and Resentment and Build the Life You Want. Dr. Moore also has specialized training in Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR), serving as both a practitioner and qualified teacher in the practice of using mindfulness strategies to deal with stress, anxiety, pain and other negative emotions.

On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Dr. Moore joins Katherine to define mindfulness and share the techniques we can use in our daily lives to reduce stress. She introduces us to the concept of ambiguous loss, challenging us to lean into our grief and leverage both/and thinking to navigate the trauma of divorce. Listen in for Dr. Moore’s insight on redefining your sense of identity after a divorce and learn how to gradually let go of resentment for your own sake—even if what your ex has done seems unforgivable.

Topics Covered

How mindfulness is defined as moment-to-moment awareness of the present

Developing an awareness of the backstories we create that add to our stress

How to introduce mindfulness into your daily life (without taking up Buddhism)

How her own experience with divorce and an ability to be with loss led Dr. Moore to this work

Allowing ourselves to lean into grief vs. burying the grief reaction

The concept of ambiguous loss and what we can do to deal with it

Leveraging both/and thinking to navigate the trauma of ambiguous loss

Redefining our own sense of identity and reformulating who we are in relation to others after divorce

How Dr. Moore thinks about forgiveness as a gradual letting go of negative thoughts and feelings toward someone who wronged you

Dr. Moore’s advice on letting go of resentment in the aftermath of divorce

Connect with Dr. Crystal Moore

Dr. Crystal Online

Connect with Katherine Miller

The Center for Understanding Conflict

Miller Law Group

Katherine on LinkedIn

The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller

Email katherine@miller-law.com

Call (914) 738-7765

Resources

The Divorce Recovery Workbook: How to Heal from Anger, Hurt and Resentment and Build the Life You Want by Mark S. Rye, PhD, and Crystal Dea Moore, PhD

Dr. Pauline Boss on Ambiguous Loss

The post Reduce the Stress of Divorce with Mindfulness with Dr. Crystal Moore appeared first on Divorce Dialogues.

Using Mindfulness Tools to Navigate Divorce with Joree Rose

Katherine Miller — Wed, 30 Oct 2019 01:00:07 +0000

EP: 111

Joree Rose

Using Mindfulness Tools to Navigate Divorce

Communicating with an ex is ripe with triggers, and it’s easy to get overwhelmed by our emotions and react in a volatile way that we’re not proud of after the fact. But there are mindfulness tools to help us pause in the moment, observe what we’re feeling, and respond in a skillful way.

Joree Rose is the licensed marriage and family therapist behind the Bay Area Mindfulness and Therapy Center, a practice that offers mindfulness and meditation classes as well as private therapy for individuals and couples. She is also the host of Journey Forward with Joree Rose and the author of Squirmy Learns to be Mindful and Mindfulness, It’s Elementary. Joree leads mindfulness retreats around world, and her work has been featured in Oprah Magazine, Inc. Magazine and mindbodygreen, among many other media outlets.

On this episode, Joree joins Katherine to discuss how mindfulness can help us respond rather than react in the divorce process. She shares her practical approach to starting a simple meditation practice and explains how she leveraged mindfulness tools like naming your emotions to navigate her own divorce. Listen in for Joree’s insight around using the breath or external grounding when you’re triggered and learn to choose a skillful response rooted in compassion for yourself—and your ex.

Topics Covered

How mindfulness helps us respond rather than react to conflict

How deep breaths afford us access to our executive function

How naming her emotions helped Joree navigate her own divorce

Joree’s practical approach to getting started with meditation

The STOP acronym for learning to practice mindfulness

The myths around what it means to meditate successfully

Joree’s boundaries re: communication in the divorce process

Why you’re not responsible for managing other’s emotions

Reframing the message behind what your inner critic tells you

How to leverage external grounding to return to the moment

Using a mantra to cultivate self-compassion during a divorce

Connect with Joree Rose

Joree’s Website

Joree on Instagram

Joree on Facebook

Journey Forward with Joree Rose

Connect with Katherine Miller

The Center for Understanding Conflict

Miller Law Group

Katherine on LinkedIn

The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller

Email katherine@miller-law.com

Call (914) 738-7765

Resources

Squirmy Learns to Be Mindful by Joree Rose

Mindfulness, It’s Elementary by Joree Rose

The post Using Mindfulness Tools to Navigate Divorce with Joree Rose appeared first on Divorce Dialogues.

A Mindful Approach to Divorce with Nancy Colier

Katherine Miller — Wed, 20 Sep 2017 01:00:42 +0000

EP: 056

Nancy Colier

A Mindful Approach to Divorce

How do you learn to be okay with not being okay?

In a culture where we’re taught to run from discomfort, it can seem like quite a feat to stop and take inventory of what’s true for us in a particular moment—especially if what we’re feeling is pain. But Nancy Colier argues that ‘company with our own experience IS the healing.’

Nancy is a psychotherapist and relationship coach whose work is grounded in mindfulness practices. She is the author of Inviting a Monkey to Tea: Befriending Your Mind and Discovering Lasting Contentment as well as The Power of Off: The Mindful Way to Stay Sane in a Virtual World. A thought leader on the topics of wellbeing, mindfulness and technology, Nancy has been featured on Good Morning America and in The New York Times, Huffington Post and Psychology Today.

Today, Nancy joins Katherine to share the definition of mindfulness and explain what it means to bring mindfulness to divorce. She walks us through the process of communicating in a less reactive, more compassionate way by speaking the truth of our experience. Listen in for Nancy’s insight around the connection between attention and love and learn how our capacity to be empathic impacts our relationships.