Relationships – Divorce Dialogues

How to Have a Happy Divorce with Nikki DeBartolo & Benjamin Heldfond

Katherine Miller — Wed, 19 Aug 2020 01:00:12 +0000

EP: 132

Nikki DeBartolo & Benjamin Heldfond

How to Have a Happy Divorce

Divorce Dialogues · How to Have a Happy Divorce with Nikki DeBartolo & Benjamin Heldfond

Most divorcing couples are good at the blame game. They cast their former partner as the villain and spend a lot of time stewing in bitterness and anger. But if that kind of ongoing adversarial relationship is not what you want for your kids, there is a way to clean up the wreckage of the past and build something new. There is a way to have a happy divorce.

Nikki DeBartolo and Benjamin Heldfond are the coauthors and coparents behind Our Happy Divorce: How Ending Our Marriage Brought Us Closer Together. They are also the cocreators of Our Happy Divorce, a platform designed to empower people to think differently about divorce, coparenting, stepparenting, and what it means to put kids first.

On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Nikki and Ben join Katherine to explain how their definition of a happy divorce has evolved over time and discuss the process they went through to build the relationship they have today. They offer advice for divorcing couples who are struggling with forgiveness, describing how they make decisions based on what’s best for their son and why you can’t live in the past if you want a happy divorce. Listen in for Nikki and Ben’s insight on owning your role in a breakup and learn how to facilitate your own happy divorce!

Topics Covered

How Ben & Nikki’s definition of a happy divorce has evolved over time

What prompted Ben to give up trying to destroy Nikki and pursue a happy divorce

Nikki’s experience at the end of her marriage to Ben

Ben & Nikki’s advice for divorcing couples who are struggling with forgiveness

Why Ben & Nikki had to forgive themselves first for the failure of their marriage

Why former couples can’t live in the past if they want a happy divorce

How Ben & Nikki make decisions based on what’s best for their son

The long process it took for Ben & Nikki to build the relationship they have today

Ben & Nikki’s principles of a happy divorce

Forgive first
Swallow the ego
Be accountable

Connect with Nikki DeBartolo & Benjamin Heldfond

Our Happy Divorce

Our Happy Divorce on Instagram

Our Happy Divorce on Twitter

Our Happy Divorce on Facebook

Our Happy Divorce Facebook Group

Connect with Katherine Miller

The Center for Understanding Conflict

Miller Law Group

Katherine on LinkedIn

The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller

Email katherine@miller-law.com

Call (914) 738-7765

Resources

Our Happy Divorce: How Ending Our Marriage Brought Us Closer Together by Nikki DeBartolo and Benjamin Heldfond

The post How to Have a Happy Divorce with Nikki DeBartolo & Benjamin Heldfond appeared first on Divorce Dialogues.

Reclaiming Your Power After a Divorce You Didn’t Choose with Denise LaRue

Katherine Miller — Wed, 08 Jan 2020 01:00:47 +0000

EP: 116

Denise LaRue

Reclaiming Your Power After a Divorce You Didn’t Choose

How do you reclaim your power after a divorce—especially if the breakup wasn’t your decision? It starts with making yourself a priority and getting the support necessary to step out of your role as a victim. And if you’re willing to explore your trauma and do the work necessary to heal, the reward is an opportunity to contribute your best self to the world.

Denise LaRue is the trauma-informed life coach behind Denise LaRue Coaching, a practice dedicated to helping women reclaim their power and pursue life on their terms. After 15 years spent climbing the corporate ladder, Denise realized that something was missing. That’s when she traded in the golden handcuffs for a life of freedom and fulfillment. Today, Denise leverages her personal experiences to help clients navigate seasons of change, get unstuck and create their own purpose-filled life.

On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Denise joins Katherine to discuss her role as a trauma-informed life coach, explaining how our childhood experiences shape the adults we become. She addresses how to take ownership of your contribution to the breakup of a relationship and give yourself the healing gift of forgiveness. Listen in for Denise’s insight on taking back your power in the aftermath of a divorce you didn’t choose and learn to make yourself a priority on the journey to living your best life.

Topics Covered

Denise’s role as a trauma-informed life coach

How childhood trauma shapes the adult you become

The panic attack that inspired Denise to walk away from her corporate job

Taking back your power in the aftermath of a divorce you didn’t choose

Why you owe it to the world to make yourself a priority

How Denise’s view of forgiving her ex shifted

The powerful exercise Denise uses to help clients forgive

Taking ownership for your contribution to the breakup of a relationship

Denise’s advice on being led by your intuition

Exploring your past for clues re: your purpose in the world

Connect with Denise LaRue

Denise LaRue Coaching

Connect with Katherine Miller

The Center for Understanding Conflict

Miller Law Group

Katherine on LinkedIn

The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller

Email katherine@miller-law.com

Call (914) 738-7765

The post Reclaiming Your Power After a Divorce You Didn’t Choose with Denise LaRue appeared first on Divorce Dialogues.

A Me-First Approach to Dating After Divorce with Bernadette Smith

Katherine Miller — Wed, 18 Sep 2019 01:00:26 +0000

EP: 108

Bernadette Smith

A Me-First Approach to Dating After Divorce

So, you’re ready to start dating again after divorce, but you don’t want to make the same mistakes as last time. How can you do an autopsy on your marriage to understand what worked and what didn’t? How can you get clear on who YOU are and what you’re looking for in a partner? How can you find a compatible connection and then establish a loving relationship that lasts?

Bernadette Smith is the creator of Compatible Connections, a boutique coaching firm that specializes in helping divorced women become confident, conscious daters. With 10-plus years of experience as a certified dating and relationship expert, Bernadette is dedicated to helping every woman she works with find the love of her life after divorce.

On this episode of the podcast, Bernadette joins Katherine to explain how she defines compatibility and what you can do to screen for it before a first date. She shares the importance of getting clear on who you are and what you want in a relationship, offering insight on how to partner with yourself FIRST. Bernadette also addresses online dating, giving her top tips for avoiding scams and discussing how she supports clients every step of the way. Listen in to understand how to identify the character traits you want in a partner and learn how regular relationship checkups can keep your partnership growing!

Topics Covered

The definition of compatibility and how to screen for it

The value in doing an autopsy on your marriage

Why it’s crucial to get clear on your reason for dating

Bernadette’s insight on partnering with yourself first

Bernadette’s approach to regular relationship checkups

What I love about you is…
When you … I feel …, and I would like …

Identifying the character traits you want in a partner

Good connecting questions to ask potential partners

How Bernadette supports clients in online dating

Bernadette’s advice around online dating

Never give phone number to stranger
Create separate email address

Bernadette’s take on the basis of a loving relationship

Respect, honesty, trust and communication

Connect with Bernadette Smith

Compatible Connections

Connect with Katherine Miller

The Center for Understanding Conflict

Miller Law Group

Katherine on LinkedIn

The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller

Email katherine@miller-law.com

Call (914) 738-7765

Resources

Burner App

Google Voice

The post A Me-First Approach to Dating After Divorce with Bernadette Smith appeared first on Divorce Dialogues.

Developing Radar for High-Conflict Personalities with Bill Eddy

Katherine Miller — Wed, 10 Jan 2018 01:00:11 +0000

EP: 064

Bill Eddy

Developing Radar for High-Conflict Personalities

If you divorced someone with a high-conflict personality, you may be concerned about repeating the same cycle in your next partnership. What steps can you take to reflect on the dynamics of your relationships and develop radar for people with high-conflict personalities?

An international expert on managing disputes involving high-conflict personalities, Bill Eddy is the co-founder and Training Director of the High Conflict Institute. In addition, he is a Certified Family Law Specialist and Senior Family Mediator with the National Conflict Resolution Center in San Diego. Bill has written several books, including Dating Radar: Why Your Brain Says Yes to ‘The One’ Who Will Make Your Life Hell and 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life: Identifying and Dealing with Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Other High-Conflict Personalities.

Today, Bill joins Katherine to share the four warning signs for people with high-conflict personalities. He explains how high-conflict people can jam your radar with fake compatibility and how to leverage your friends and family for insight. He addresses why you should finish grieving the loss of a previous relationship before committing to new one, describing the danger in using a relationship to feel okay about yourself. Listen in to understand why people commit to relationships with high-conflict personalities despite the red flags, how to identify behaviors exhibited by high-conflict people, and how to manage high-conflict personalities if you can’t avoid them entirely.

Topics Covered

The four warning signs for people with high-conflict personalities

All-or-nothing thinking
Unmanaged emotion
Extreme behavior
Preoccupation with blaming others

How high-conflict people can jam your radar with fake compatibility

The value in asking friends and family for their insight on your partner

Why you must finish grieving a loss before committing to a new relationship

Why Bill recommends waiting at least a year before committing to marriage

The reasons why people commit to relationships despite red flags

The five types of high-conflict people who can ruin your life

Narcissists, sociopaths, borderline, histrionic and paranoid

The extreme behaviors exhibited by people with high-conflict personalities

How to manage high-conflict people if you can’t avoid them altogether

Call (914) 738-7765

The post Developing Radar for High-Conflict Personalities with Bill Eddy appeared first on Divorce Dialogues.

Dignity, Self-Preservation and Conflict Resolution in Relationships with Donna Hicks

Katherine Miller — Wed, 03 Aug 2016 01:00:09 +0000

EP: 032

Donna Hicks

Dignity, Self-Preservation and Conflict Resolution in Relationships

Whether a conflict involves international powers, corporate leadership, or a husband and wife, a violation of dignity is always the underlying cause. No matter the situation, we are all looking to be treated as if we have worth and value, and it is this fundamental desire for dignity that makes us human. How can a better understanding of the principles of dignity help us improve our relationships and address conflicts in a way that doesn’t perpetuate a destructive dynamic?

Donna Hicks has 20-plus years of experience as a facilitator in international conflicts in the Middle East, Sri Lanka, Colombia, Cuba, Northern Ireland and the US. Her understanding of dignity and the role it plays in resolving conflict has transformed work environments for prominent companies, nonprofits and government agencies, and Donna’s impressive client roster includes the World Bank, the United Nations, the US Navy and the Senate of Colombia. She was a featured speaker at TEDx Stormont in 2013 and co-host of Facing the Truth for the BBC with Archbishop Desmond Tutu in 2006. Donna is the author of the bestseller Dignity: The Essential Role It Plays in Resolving Conflict, and she has been invited to discuss the topic on prominent media outlets including the BBC, Fox News and NPR.

Today, Donna sits down with Katherine to explain how her work with international conflict resolution translates to families. She discusses the universal desire to be treated as if we matter as the one aspiration that unites us all. Donna speaks to the concept of dignity within the context of marriage, describing how self-preservation instincts make it difficult to give our partners the benefit of the doubt and apologize for dignity violations. Listen in for insight around the technique of ‘getting up on the balcony’ to reflect on your behavior and pausing for 90 seconds before responding to a dignity violation.