Divorce Process &#8211; Divorce Dialogues

The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller

Wheel of Life Assessment Tool

Call (914) 738-776

Resources

The post 8 Strategies to Make the Divorce Process Easier With Robin Gardner appeared first on Divorce Dialogues.

Be Your Best Self in the Divorce Process with Nancy Steiner

Katherine Miller — Wed, 29 Apr 2020 01:00:47 +0000

EP: 124

Nancy Steiner

Be Your Best Self in the Divorce Process

KatherineMiller · Be Your Best Self in the Divorce Process with Nancy Steiner

The stress of a divorce can bring out the worst in us. Emotions are heightened, and we revert to our most-regressed selves. But it doesn’t have to be this way. You can commit to staying in a place of kindness and compassion, whether or not your ex reciprocates, and achieve a better result.

Nancy Steiner is the Founder and President of Steiner Coaching Solutions, a practice dedicated to helping people achieve higher levels of potential, creativity and confidence. Nancy spent 40 years producing documentary films and nonfiction network television, telling stories that offered a deeper understanding of the human condition. In 2018, a health crisis inspired Nancy’s transition to coaching, a career that allows her to connect more deeply with people one-on-one.

On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Nancy joins Katherine to explain how a coach can help you make decisions about who you want to be in the divorce process. She discusses the benefits of taking the high road, sharing what she did to stay grounded in her best self through her own divorce. Listen in for Nancy’s insight on making a blended family work and learn how a coach can empower you to build the life you want—during and after divorce.

Topics Covered

What inspired Nancy’s transition from documentary filmmaker to coach

How Nancy helps clients create their own narrative and move their lives forward

Learning who you want to be in the divorce process

Why it’s so easy to become our most-regressed selves in the divorce process

The benefit of holding to your best self through a divorce

How a good coach helps you find the answers within yourself

The questions a coach might ask to help you stay grounded in your best self

What to do when you catch yourself regressing to your worst self

How Nancy defines a blended family and what a successful blended family looks like

Why very different parenting styles make a blended family more challenging

Connect with Nancy Steiner

Steiner Coaching Solutions

Connect with Katherine Miller

The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller

The Good Karma Divorce: Avoid Litigation, Turn Negative Emotions Into Positive Actions, and Get On with the Rest of Your Life by Judge Michele Lowrance

Call (914) 738-7765

Resources

iPEC

Dr. Mark Banschick

The post Be Your Best Self in the Divorce Process with Nancy Steiner appeared first on Divorce Dialogues.

How to Divorce a Narcissist with Dr. Karyl McBride

Katherine Miller — Wed, 31 Jul 2019 01:00:14 +0000

EP: 104

Dr. Karyl McBride

How to Divorce a Narcissist

Will I ever be good enough? If you’re married to a narcissist, chances are you’ve struggled with this question. But the truth is, it’s impossible to please a narcissist, and you may need to leave the relationship. So, what can you do to prepare for the divorce process? Is there any way to avoid a high-conflict divorce? How can you protect your children and offer them the empathy they can’t get from a narcissistic parent?

Dr. Karyl McBride is a marriage and family therapist with 30-plus years of experience in public and private practice. An expert in the realm of narcissism and trauma recovery, Dr. McBride is a regular contributor at Psychology Today and the author of Will I Ever Be Good Enough? Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers and Will I Ever Be Free of You? How to Navigate a High-Conflict Divorce from a Narcissist and Heal Your Family.

On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Dr. McBride joins Katherine to discuss narcissism, describing the narcissist’s characteristic lack of empathy and need to win and explaining why they nearly always have high-conflict divorces. She speaks to the way children of narcissists are used as pawns in the divorce process and explores how to counter narcissism by parenting with empathy. Listen in for Dr. McBride’s insight around preparing to divorce a narcissist and learn how to recover from a difficult relationship with a narcissistic parent or spouse.

Topics Covered

The lack of empathy that is characteristic of a narcissist

How narcissists use charm to manipulate in the dating phase

Why narcissists nearly always have high-conflict divorces

How victims of narcissists present in the divorce process

How children of narcissists are used as pawns in divorce

When older kids start to recognize narcissism in a parent

How the other parent can counter narcissism with empathy

Giving children a voice by way of reintegration therapy

Why children of narcissists suffer from crippling self-doubt

What happens when families with a narcissist stay together

Dr. McBride’s advice for preparing to divorce a narcissist

Gather team of support
Pre-therapy to identify triggers

Connect with Dr. Karyl McBride

Will I Ever Be Good Enough

Connect with Katherine Miller

The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller

Will I Ever Be Good Enough? Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers by Dr. Karyl McBride

Call (914) 738-7765

Resources

Will I Ever Be Free of You? How to Navigate a High-Conflict Divorce from a Narcissist and Heal Your Family by Dr. Karyl McBride

The post How to Divorce a Narcissist with Dr. Karyl McBride appeared first on Divorce Dialogues.

Become Fully ALIVE Through the Divorce Process with Anne-Louise DePalo

Katherine Miller — Wed, 03 Apr 2019 01:00:26 +0000

EP: 096

Anne-Louise DePalo

Become Fully ALIVE Through the Divorce Process

Divorce forces us to forge a new identity. Like it or not, life is different now, and we can either fight the change or accept and adapt to a new reality. Best case scenario, we use the crisis as an opportunity to change for the better, making decisions about what we value and focusing on our health and spiritual growth. We can leverage the divorce process to become fully ourselves—and fully ALIVE!

Anne-Louise DePalo is a New York attorney with 30-plus years of experience in the realm of divorce and family law. She is a certified mediator, parent coordinator, spiritual director and collaborative divorce advocate. Ann-Louise is also a founding member of the Staten Island Collaborative Law Group and the author of Divorce: Now What? How to Survive, Thrive and Become Fully Alive Through the Divorce Process.

Today, Anne-Louise joins Katherine to explain how helping people understand their options inspired her to write Divorce: Now What? She walks us through the benefits of the collaborative process, including its interdisciplinary approach and cost-effectiveness. Anne-Louise also shares her strategies for ‘becoming fully alive’ through the divorce process and offers insight into leveraging your anger to move your life forward. Listen in to understand the role a Spiritual Director might play in the divorce process and learn how to see divorce as an opportunity to transform mind, body and soul!

Topics Covered

Anne-Louise’s mission to help people understand their options in divorce

Why Anne-Louise prefers the interdisciplinary approach of collaborative law

Why collaborative divorce is much more cost-effective than litigation

The benefit of being in a room together per the collaborative model

How divorce is an opportunity for transformation of the mind, body and soul

Anne-Louise’s strategies for ‘becoming fully alive’ through divorce

Deep reflection + creative expression
Pursue hobbies and interests
Opportunity for spiritual growth

The importance of accepting your new reality rather than fighting change

Anne-Louise’s philosophy that forgiveness is a gift you give yourself

Anne-Louise’s insight on the role of a Spiritual Director in the divorce process

Accepting your anger + using that energy to move your life forward

Anne-Louise’s advice on exploring your options, choosing a divorce attorney

Connect with Anne-Louise DePalo

DePalo Law Firm

Staten Island Collaborative Law Group

Divorce: Now What? How to Survive, Thrive and Become Fully Alive Through the Divorce Process by Anne-Louise DePalo

Connect with Katherine Miller

The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller

Dr. Janis Abrahms Spring on Divorce Dialogues EP018

Call (914) 738-7765

Resources

Dr. Janis Abrahms Spring

The post Become Fully ALIVE Through the Divorce Process with Anne-Louise DePalo appeared first on Divorce Dialogues.

Reclaiming a Sense of Control in the Divorce Process with Sonia Queralt

Katherine Miller — Wed, 06 Feb 2019 01:00:13 +0000

EP: 092

Sonia Queralt

Reclaiming a Sense of Control in the Divorce Process

Once you have made the difficult decision to divorce, a sense of urgency sets in. You want to get through the painful process as quickly as possible. Yet it is unwise to make snap decisions when you’re under that kind of emotional stress. How do you give yourself time to process what is going on? How do you define your non-negotiables and use them to reclaim a sense of control? And how do you find the right professionals to guide you through the divorce process?

Sonia Queralt is a former divorce litigator and founder of Divorceify, an online platform designed to help clients take a holistic approach to divorce. The site employs machine learning to match people in all stages of the process with vetted professionals and resources customized to their specific needs. A former divorce attorney, Sonia founded Divorceify in 2015 to offer divorce consumers the technology and tools to navigate the process efficiently and with confidence.

Today, Sonia joins Katherine to explain how her background as a divorce litigator and her own unhappy marriage inspired the launch of Divorceify. She discusses how every divorce is different and shares advice on navigating the early stages of the process. Sonia also describes how defining your non-negotiables affords you more control and why you should avoid making any snap decisions under immense emotional stress. Listen in for Sonia’s insight on interviewing divorce attorneys in order to find the right match and learn how Divorceify can identify what’s not going well in the divorce process—and help you pivot if necessary.

Topics Covered

How Divorceify’s unique technology matches people with vetted professionals

Sonia’s mission to eliminate the shame associated with divorce

Sonia’s insight into how every divorce is different

How Sonia’s experience as a litigator and her own divorce inspired Divorceify

Sonia’s advice on navigating the early stages of the divorce process

Own truth about situation and create support system
Create small-scale vision and take baby steps forward
Allow self to feel, mourn and get through emotions

Why you should NOT make any snap decisions under the stress of divorce

How defining your non-negotiables affords more control in the process

How Divorceify helps you identify what’s not going well and pivot if necessary

Why an attorney with an aggressive approach doesn’t work for most divorces

Sonia’s tips on interviewing divorce attorneys to find the right match

Why you should run from a divorce attorney who claims to help people win

Connect with Sonia Queralt

Divorceify

Email sonia@divorceify.com

Connect with Katherine Miller

The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller

Splitopia: Dispatches from Today’s Good Divorce and How to Part Well by Wendy Paris

Call (914) 738-7765

The post Reclaiming a Sense of Control in the Divorce Process with Sonia Queralt appeared first on Divorce Dialogues.

Putting Your Divorce on Pause with Terry Real

Katherine Miller — Thu, 30 Mar 2017 01:00:52 +0000

EP: 044

Terry Real

Putting Your Divorce on Pause

“It’s never too late. Put the divorce on pause, find a really strong, good therapist who knows what they’re doing, and give it a few months before you pull the plug.”

Terry Real is a renown family therapist and the bestselling author of I Don’t Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression and How Can I Get Through to You?: Reconnecting Men and Women. Terry is the founder of the Relational Empowerment Institute, and his work has been featured on NBC Nightly News, Today, and Oprah, as well as in The New York Times, Psychology Today, and numerous academic publications. He is known for his ground-breaking work in helping transform couples on the brink of divorce.

Today, Terry joins Katherine to discuss the role of grieving your marriage in the process of letting go and the silver lining of learning that can come from the divorce process. He shares his approach to working with couples on ‘marital death’s door,’ explaining how he leverages the Relationship Intervention to get couples back on track. Listen in to find out why Terry thinks you should press the pause button and seek out emergency couples therapy before you move forward with divorce.

Topics Covered

The challenge around feeling the pain of divorce without acting it out

The pivotal role of grieving in the process of letting go

How to view divorce as a potential growth experience

Understand your part in what went wrong
Realign with core values

How the Relationship Intervention helps couples get back on track

Terry’s approach to working with couples on ‘marital death’s door’

Take sides, tell the truth
Create treatment program

The value of having a therapist that acts as a coach rather than a cheerleader

Why couples don’t seek help before they are in dire straits

Terry’s take that no matter how bad a marriage is, there is always hope

The four methods of decision-making in the divorce process

DIY
Traditional litigation model
Mediation
Collaborative law

Self-Compassion + Collaborative Settlement = Splitopia with Wendy Paris

Katherine Miller — Thu, 20 Oct 2016 01:00:12 +0000

EP: 036

Wendy Paris

Self-Compassion + Collaborative Settlement = Splitopia

When Wendy Paris announced her trial separation to her liberal friends in New York City, she was surprised by the incredibly negative feedback she received. But when she unpacked their predictions of doom and gloom, Wendy realized that their fears around divorce derived from the facts of an earlier era, before no fault filing was an option. Wendy and her ex-husband moved slowly, leveraging alternative dispute resolution to collaborate on a settlement that set them both up for success.

Wendy has worked as a journalist and editor for 20-plus years, contributing content to media outlets including The New York Times, Quartz, The Guardian, Washington Post and Marketplace Radio, among many others. She currently blogs for Psychology Today, Huffington Post and Splitopia, the divorce wellness platform she founded in conjunction with her book, Splitopia: Dispatches from Today’s Good Divorce and How to Part Well. Wendy lives in Santa Monica, California, with her son—just a few blocks up the beach from her ex-husband.

Today, Wendy joins Katherine to share how her own experience with divorce inspired her to write Splitopia. She explains how our fears around divorce stem from the facts of an earlier era and the bizarre juxtaposition between society’s glamorization of marriage AND valorization of independence. Wendy discusses the need to inform divorcing couples of the collaborative options available to them early in the process and offers insight around how she and her husband navigated an amicable end to their marriage. Listen in and learn how to commit to self-compassion during the divorce process, viewing yourself with passion and forgiveness.

Topics Covered

Wendy’s friends’ surprisingly negative reaction to her trial separation

How our fears around divorce stem from the facts of an earlier era

The bias resulting from conflated statistics promoted by pro-marriage pundits

Society’s glamorization of marriage vs. the valorization of independence

The need to inform divorcing couples of collaborative options early in the process

Wendy’s surprise around liking her ex-husband in the aftermath of divorce

Wendy’s insight on slowing down the divorce process

How Wendy’s ex-husband reframes divorce as a ‘success that ran its course’

The ‘seven principles of parting’ detailed in Splitopia

How to commit to self-compassion in the divorce process

Universality of experience
Practice mindfulness
View self with understanding, forgiveness

Connect with Wendy Paris

Wendy’s Website

Resources

University of Arizona Self-Compassion Study

Self-Compassion with Dr. Kristin Neff

Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself by Dr. Kristin Neff

Connect with Katherine Miller

The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller

Call (914) 738-7765

The post Self-Compassion + Collaborative Settlement = Splitopia with Wendy Paris appeared first on Divorce Dialogues.

Advice from Adult Children of Divorce

Katherine Miller — Thu, 17 Mar 2016 01:00:15 +0000

EP: 020

Janet

Advice from Adult Children of Divorce

‘[The conflict] was so contentious on a regular basis, there was no room for the children—and that’s the danger.’

The sad truth is that divorcing parents embroiled in conflict are often so wrapped up in their own pain that they fail to protect their children. This was true for Janet, an adult child of divorce who continues to feel the impact of the tension, hostility and destruction that marked the end of her parents’ relationship.

Today, Janet sits down with Katherine to share her difficult experience as a child of divorce. She describes the shame she felt around the ‘failure’ of her family and the impact of her parents’ lack of control on Janet and her siblings. She relates the all-consuming pain she experienced during her parents’ divorce, the lifelong consequences of destructive behavior felt by children of divorce, and how the process informs her conduct now that she is a wife and mother herself. Listen in for Janet’s insight on maintaining and articulating respect for your ex-spouse and creating an environment where your children feel safe.

Topics Covered

The lack of control demonstrated by Janet’s parents during the divorce process

How Janet recognized her parents’ issues when she was only ten years old

The tendency for children of divorce to blame themselves

The shame Janet felt about the ‘failure’ of her family

Janet’s insight around articulating the positive aspects of your relationship

Avoid saying bad things, putting children in middle
‘We will always care about each other’

The lifelong consequences of destructive behavior on children of divorce

The all-consuming pain and sadness Janet experienced during her parents’ divorce

Janet’s determination to ensure that her children feel supported and loved

Janet’s advice for divorcing parents around remembering the initial bond between you

How Janet’s childhood identity was caught up in her family

How Janet’s parents negotiated the terms of their divorce

The concept of ‘bird nesting’ as an alternative to kids moving between parents

Janet’s parents’ inability to attend events together post-divorce

Connect with Katherine Miller

The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller

Call (914) 738-7765

The post Advice from Adult Children of Divorce appeared first on Divorce Dialogues.

The Child Specialist: Giving Children a Voice in the Divorce Process with Dr. Lauren Behrman

Katherine Miller — Tue, 12 Jan 2016 01:00:55 +0000

EP: 015

Dr. Lauren Behrman

The Child Specialist: Giving Children a Voice in the Divorce Process

Parents are often wary of the role of a child specialist in the divorce process. They don’t want to put their children in a difficult position, and the divorcing couple may be under the mistaken impression that the child specialist is there to do a forensic evaluation and make custody recommendations. Rather, it is the job of a child specialist to empower the children in the collaborative process, giving voice to their needs and concerns.

Dr. Lauren Behrman is a clinical psychologist, child specialist, mediator, collaborative divorce professional and parent coordinator. She has offices in White Plains, Katonah and Midtown Manhattan, where she provides divorce services that include parent coordination, co-parent counseling, neutral child specialist and divorce coach in the collaborative setting. Working in private practice since 1985, Lauren has considerable professional experience in treating children and families of divorce. She is committed to helping families facing challenges and transitions in life and relationships.

Today, Lauren sits down with Katherine to address the role of a child specialist, explaining how they serve to empower children in the divorce process. She shares her process in first establishing trust with both parents before meeting with the children to get a picture of what they are experiencing. Lauren speaks to the value of giving children a voice in the collaborative process and the common concerns that come up. Listen in for insight around lowering the level of conflict during the divorce process and learn why children from low-conflict divorced families do better than children in high-conflict families that remain intact.

Topics Covered

The misconceptions around the role of a child specialist

How the child specialist empowers children in the collaborative process

The child specialist’s initial communication to develop trust with parents

Meet in-person with both parties together, then individually
Discuss how to prepare children for process

How Lauren addresses the children in her role as child specialist

Speak at developmental age, stage
Develop rapport (e.g.: hobbies, teams)
Get picture of what’s affecting children

How Lauren reassures kids that their concerns will be presented in a neutral way

How young adults are attuned to the dynamics of their parents’ marriage

How to separate your own needs from the needs of your children

The value of giving children a voice in the divorce process

What questions children ask Lauren during the process

Why nesting only works with low-conflict, mature parents

Why divorcing parents should focus on lowering the level of conflict

Connect with Dr. Lauren Behrman

Lauren’s Website

Email laurenbehrman@gmail.com

Call (914) 288-8428

Connect with Katherine Miller

The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller

Call (914) 738-7765

The post The Child Specialist: Giving Children a Voice in the Divorce Process with Dr. Lauren Behrman appeared first on Divorce Dialogues.

The Role of a Financial Neutral in the Divorce Process with Steve Kaplan CPA/ABV, MBA

Katherine Miller — Wed, 09 Sep 2015 01:00:44 +0000

EP: 007

Steve Kaplan

The Role of a Financial Neutral in the Divorce Process

Money is so much more than a way to pay the bills. It’s how we judge ourselves and others. It represents power and control. For a divorcing couple, uncertainty around finances and a sense of mistrust complicate the process. Enter the financial neutral, a professional who serves to uncover the economic reality of a given situation and establish trust, thereby changing the tenor of the conversation in a conflict-resolution proceeding.

Steve Kaplan is a CPA/ABV based in White Plains who practices largely in the area of dispute resolution, providing valuation, financial analysis, and settlement support services. Steve is trained in Collaborative Divorce Practice and Collaborative Civil Practice as well as mediation. He also serves as an executive board member for the Hudson Valley Collaborative Divorce and Dispute Resolution Association.

Today, Steve sits down with Katherine to explain his role as a CPA in the divorce setting. He discusses how financial neutrals navigate mistrust between parties, make difficult decisions around what to disclose, and provide an understanding of the couple’s economic reality. Steve shares how his role is different in a litigated case versus the collaborative divorce or mediation setting. Listen in for insight about how financial professionals help establish trust in a conflict-resolution proceeding and learn Steve’s approach to working with former partners in the divorce process.

Topics Covered

Steve’s role as a CPA in the divorce setting

Numbers tell story
Verify information

Steve’s aim to provide both parties with economic independence

Why financial neutrals don’t work with divorce clients after the process

How financial neutrals navigate the mistrust between parties in divorce

The difficult decisions financial neutrals make around what is material

The financial neutral’s forensic work to uncover facts

The financial neutral’s role in a litigated case vs. collaborative setting

Gather, present facts in courtroom setting
Part of resolution-finding team in collaboration

How trust changes the tone of a conflict-resolution proceeding

The complexity of money as an instrument of power, control

Steve’s first steps for serving as financial neutral in a divorce

Initial conversation with BOTH parties
Outline expectations, discuss time and cost

Connect with Steve Kaplan

Steve’s Website

Call (914) 733-7340

Connect with Katherine Miller

The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller